Need you now
by LorelaiGilmore82
Summary: Post Season Three final. What will happen to Castle and Beckett ...
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my first Castle story, so be gentle. Haven't written anything for quiet a while. So bare with me. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.

B-C-B-C

She was walking through a foggy forest, dead trees lined her path as she struggled to find her way out of this place that smelled like death. She had no idea how long she had been straying through the inhospitality, she noticed that she was barefoot, she was cold and she felt a dull pain emerging from her abdomen. As she looked down, she noticed the blood stain on her white shirt, hesitantly she reached for the red spot and shrank back when she realized that is was still warm. Her breath quickened, sending white clouds into the air, she was on the rim of panic and Kate Beckett was not the kind that normally gave into this feeling. Over years she had built up her armor, she had fought hard to be seen as one of the guys, so hard that she had almost forgotten how it felt to let go, to have someone else to take care of you, someone that had your back. _Always! _She heard the words floating in from somewhere. _Always! _They soothed her, comforted her, gave her this warm feeling of security and home. And then she saw the light. A flash in the dark and she knew she had to get there, wherever it was coming from. She staggered forward, pushing away branches that blocked her way. She saw the flash of light, again and again, emerging from somewhere beyond her reach. _Always! _It was surrounding her now. _Always! _Over and over she heard the words, again and again. And suddenly everything was quiet. A bolt of light erupted around her. Then everything was white.

B-C-B-C

"Kate?" she heard someone say. "Kate? Can you hear me?"

She blinked, trying to fight the dizziness that threatened to overcome her. Her eyes hurt, but then again, every fiber of her body seemed to hurt.

"Kate? Do you hear me? Can you squeeze my hand?"

She tried to focus, who was talking to her? Where was she? What happened? Carefully she tried to move her hand and though it felt as if she had to move a mountain she was able to squeeze the hand that was holding hers.

"Good Kate, that's very good." She heard someone say. Someone that sounded familiar.

Again she tried to open her eyes, this time succeeding. Slowly her vision cleared. She coughed and someone took an ice cube, running it over her lips. It helped, the dry feeling in her throat eased away, her mind cleared a bit further and she recognized the people around her. At first she saw Josh, a wide smile on his face as he realized that she had overcome, that she was coming back to life, besides all the obstacles. She rolled her head into the other direction and saw that Lanie was the one holding her hand, tears in her eyes.

"Hey," Lanie whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"Hey," Kate whispered back, a small smile forming on her lips.

"You got us worried, girl! Don't you ever do that again!" Laney smiled back, patting Kate's cheek.

Again she turned around to give Josh the smile that she felt he deserved.

"Hey," she managed again, before he leant down and gave her light kiss on the lips.

"I'll let the others know, that you woke up and then we'll do some small tests before we let you rest," Josh said and gave her another kiss on her forehead, "Welcome back!" he added before he disappeared through the door.

Kate's eyes searched the room. Where was he? Why wasn't he here? Lanie noticed her friend's searching look.

"Kate?" she squeezed her hand to get her attention.

Kate looked at her, sorrow and worry displaying in her face, "Where ..?" she whispered.

"I'll tell him to come," Lanie said and slowly got up, while two nurses came to the room and started to work on Kate. Kate's eyes never left Laney's, asking the same question over and over again. _Why wasn't he here?_

_B-C-B-C_

He sat in his study, staring at his bookshelves. Anger flowed through him. He should be there. To hell with this Dr. Motorcycle. He had no right to keep him away from her. She was his partner. _HIS_ Partner. He pushed a stack of papers off his desk, sending them with a crush down on the floor.

"Hey kiddo," Martha popped her head around the corner.

"Hey," he sighed and looked at her. And then he shrugged his shoulders not knowing what else to do.

"She's gonna make it, she's strong!" Martha moved around the corner and came to stand beside him, putting her hand on his head. Trying to find the right words, but there were none.

"But what if ...," he did not dare to say it.

"Shhh," Martha stroke his head, trying to ease the pain that was evident in his eyes, knowing that there was nothing she could do. Her son had never loved a woman like he loved Kate Beckett and she knew that should Kate not survive, something would die in him forever.

"I should be there," he stated.

"What's keeping you," Martha looked down at him.

"That Dr. Friend of hers ordered me to go and stay away!" he almost spat it out.

"And since when are you someone to do what people tell you to do? Unless it's Beckett of course," she smiled.

He thought for a moment, "You know what? You're right!" he said and got up, his mind shortly going back to the ugly confrontation he had with Josh at the hospital. Accusation had flown and if Esposito hadn't stopped them, probably even more. They had both said things that they knew weren't true. But the fear of losing her had made them both thoughtless. His head told him that Josh had every right to be upset and concerned. After all he was her boyfriend. But his heart told him a different story. His heart told him he had to be there. And no one had the right to keep him away from her. And he would have stayed and stood his ground if Esposito and Ryan hadn't forced him to go. He knew it was the only thing they could have done at that moment, but he felt he had betrayed her. Left her, when he had told her he would always have her back.

He reached for his coat, when his cell phone started ringing. He fumbled to get it out of his pocket, one look on the screen told him it was Lanie.

"Lanie," his voice was barely a whisper, fearing that the worst had happened.

"She's awake Castle, "he could hear the small laugh of joy in her voice and sighed, "She wants to see you," Laney added quickly.

"I'm on my way," he said and ended the call, storming out off the apartment, only to be stopped by his mother's voice.

"Richard?" she looked at him scared.

A smile spread over his face, "She's awake."

Martha let out a laugh of relief, similar to the one Lanie had given on the phone and then ushered him out the door, "Go, go! Give her hug from me. I'll tell Alexis."

He nodded and was out of the door.

B-C-B-C

He stormed through the hallway, leaping for the elevator and jumping out of it when he reached her floor, almost crushing into a nurse.

"Sorry," he mumbled and continued down the hallway.

"Sir? Sir?" Another nurse shot into his way. "Where are you going, Sir?" she asked.

"Kate!" he said and then noted that he needed to say more, "Kate Beckett, I'm here to see Detective Kate Beckett."

"Are you family?"

"No I'm her partner."

"I'm sorry Sir, but only family is allowed to see Miss Beckett at the moment."

"What?" his hands shot through his hair in desperation. "Please, I need to see her!"

"I'm sorry Sir. Doctors orders," she shrugged a bit helpless, feeling sorry for the man in front of her.

Castle fumed, "Where is the bastard?" he muttered through clenched teeth.

"If you're looking for me, Mr. Castle. I'm right here!" Josh said.

"You son of a bitch! You have no right to keep me from seeing her!" Castle stepped closer to Josh, rage pumping through every fiber of his body.

"Actually I have. I'm her Doctor. And as her _Doctor_ I tell you to stay away! She needs rest."

Castle stepped even closer, stopping inches away from Josh's face.

"Amy," Josh turned towards the nurse ignoring Castle, "Please make sure that Mr. Castle finds his way out."

"Of course Dr. Davidson," she looked at Castle who stayed put. This time he wouldn't back down.

"What's going on here?" Jim Beckett asked, emerging from the end of the hallway.

"They won't let me see her," Castle exclaimed desperately.

"Go!" Jim nodded to Castle and pointed towards her room.

"But...!" Josh protested.

"Dr. Davidson! I'm her father and she asked for him. She needs him." Jim Beckett's tone left no room for arguments. He didn't want to hurt Josh, but frankly he had no idea why his daughter was with him. She had barely spoken about him since they got together. And he would do anything that made her feel better and he knew she needed Castle now. Josh stood defeated, his gaze on Castle's back, who already hurried down towards her room.

B-C-B-C

When she opened her eyes the second time this day, she immediately felt the difference, her eyes wandered around until they found his, looking back at her, a smile on his face.

"Rick?"

"Kate!"


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, thanks for the tons of story alerts! Keep them coming and tell me what you liked and what not. I corrected some mistakes in chapter one. I can't believe I wrote "know idea". I just have to write more. So here comes chapter 2. Enjoy!

B-C-B-C

They stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity, their eyes trying to tell the other what they couldn't find the courage to say out loud. As so often when it came to Kate Beckett, Richard Castle struggled to find the right words. He had so badly wanted to see her, to see for himself that she was actually alive and awake, but at the same time he had been scared and a part of him still was. She looked so fragile and pale. He was afraid that if he touched her, she would fall into pieces. He had never seen her like this and it scared the hell out of him.

"Castle?" she frowned, her voice still raspy and low, wondering why he hadn't said anything and why he hadn't moved an inch since he had entered the room. Still he didn't respond, but he reached for one of the chairs standing on the wall and pulled it to her side, slowly he sat down, his eyes never leaving hers. She studied him, he looked tired, older and defeated and it broke her heart to see that she was the reason for his pain.

Ignoring her aching body she leant forward and gently took his hand, he quivered afraid to act or move, like everything else about her, her hand looked small and fragile.

"I won't break," she said, sensing his concern.

Again he tried to find the right words, but everything he came up with just didn't seem to be enough. If this had been one of his books, he would exactly know how it would play out, what to say, what to do. But this wasn't one of his books. This was real. This was her. And he had almost lost her.

He forced himself to look at her, releasing a breath he didn't know he held. He tried to say something, "I ... ." Was all he could muster, before he closed his eyes in defeat.

He felt her hand on his cheek, a touch gentler and sweeter than he had ever imagined. He opened his eyes, a single tear escaping that he wished she wouldn't see, but she did.

"I know!" she simply stated and it was all that needed to be said at that moment.

He smiled and softly kissed her palm, before they fell into a comfortable silence. They sat like this for awhile him holding her hand, drawing small circles on it's back with his thumb.

Her mind started to drift, back to the events of the past days that had let to her lying in a hospital bed, shot. She was surprised about the clarity of her memories. They only thing that she couldn't remember was the moment she was shot and everything that followed until she had opened her eyes two hours ago. She remembered the investigation that let up to that fatal showdown at the hanger. She remembered Montgomery and every time that thought crawled into her mind she had to fight the tears. And she remembered Castle in her apartment and the words she had thrown in his face, words that she wished she could take back. And still he had been at her side. Had saved her life in the night that Montgomery gave his for hers, he had stood at her side at the funeral and he was now here. Holding her hand. And she wondered why he still put up with her.

"What?" he asked and frowned as he saw the changed expression on her face.

She sighed, not sure if she should address it. Maybe some things were better left unsaid. At least for now. She wasn't sure that she could handle the answer he might give her, when she felt weaker than she had ever felt before.

He sensed her uneasiness and squeezed her hand, "Kate, what is it?" He wasn't going to let her off the hook. He was done with that. Too many times he had let her get away, let her escape into her armor, had recoiled to let her have her way, afraid of what might happen if he pushed too hard. He wouldn't push now either, knowing it wouldn't get him anywhere with her, but he wouldn't let her back off like she had so many times before. "Tell me." He said gently.

Again she sighed and then from somewhere took the courage to look him straight in the eye, "I thought you had left me. That you were finally done with me, after what happened." There, she had said it and quickly looked away, fearing his reaction.

Castle looked confused. "What?"

She looked back at him and the dull expression on his face almost made her smile. She figured that she owed him an explanation.

"After I threw you out of my apartment that night. I thought I would never see you again. But you were there …," she let the words linger in the air, implying so much more than what had actually been said.

"Always," he replied and the intensity of his words hit her like a thunderstorm. The sincerity in his eyes when she finally looked at him was almost too much for her to take at that moment.

What was going on? She had the feeling that she still missed one piece of the puzzle. One piece to make the picture complete, but the more she tried to find it, the further it seemed to slip away. She was confused and she did not like that feeling.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before a nurse stepped into the room and cleared her throat, which made Castle turn around.

"I'm sorry, but Miss Beckett needs to rest now," he nodded in response and slowly got up, putting the chair back to it's place at the wall.

He looked at her one last time, studying her intently before he spoke, "I'll be back tomorrow," and with that he turned around, when he remembered what is mother had asked him to do. Well, technically she had asked him to give her a hug, but he figured: W_hat the hell._

"My mother told me to give you this," he grinned almost shyly, an expression she had rarely seen on him, he stepped back to her side and lent down, closing the distance between them. He saw the irritation in her eyes and knew he had to move fast. Gently he brushed his lips against hers. She gasped, closing her eyes, when the last piece of the puzzle fell in place. The words playing in her mind: _I love you Kate!_

Before she could react or say something he was at the door, his expression turning serious.

"Kate?" she looked at him still dizzy from the touch of his lips and the memory that had been stirred by them, "Don't you ever do that to me again!"

Slowly she nodded her head, not exactly sure what he was getting at.

"See you tomorrow," and then he was gone.

B-C-B-C

He closed the door and stood in the hallway, all of a sudden he felt unbelievable tired. He let himself fall onto one of the benches in the waiting area. Head in his hands he stared at the floor. He had no idea how long he had been sitting like this, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Composing himself before he looked up he saw Kate's father who handed him a steaming cup of coffee.

"Don't worry, it's the good stuff directly from the nurses, not that black soup from the Cafeteria." Jim grinned.

"Thanks," Castle replied and took the cup of coffee. He could certainly use one.

They sat in silence for awhile, both lost in thoughts and sipping their coffees. Out of the corner of his eye Castle could see that Josh had entered Kate's room and he couldn't fight that stab of jealousy that crept into his heart. He forced himself to look away.

"He's not a bad guy, you know," Jim spoke after he had watched Castle's reaction.

"I know," Castle nodded, "The past days have been hard for all of us." He was just too tired to fight anymore and being in Josh's place he probably would have reacted the same.

"You should go home and get some sleep, you sure look like you could use it," Jim took the cup of coffee out of his hand.

"I guess you're right," Castle sighed and got up, rubbing his eyes. "Call me if anything happens."

Jim nodded and watched Castle slowly making his way to the elevator. "Richard!"

Castle stopped and turned around. A questioning look on his face.

"Not being a bad guy, doesn't make him the right guy, you know?"

Castle nodded and a small smile crawled around his lips, "I know."

B-C-B-C

Arriving home Castle could muster about just enough energy to collapse on the couch and kick off his shoes. He stared at the ceiling, when Alexis walked in and sat down at his side.

"You're okay, dad?" she asked.

"Yes," he got out. "I'm good."

"And Beckett?"

"She'll be fine. It'll take awhile, but she'll be fine."

"Thank God!" Alexis sighed relieved and then pulled her father into a hug, knowing that Kate wasn't the only one who had came back to life today. After a while she released her hold on her father and studied him. He looked older and if it wouldn't sound completely ridiculous, wiser.

"What will you do now?" she asked.

"Mmmh?" he looked at her.

"About Beckett?" she clarified.

"What do you mean?" he looked confused.

"Dad!" she shook her head in disbelieve, "Please don't tell me you're going to continue as if nothing has changed. Please tell me you will stop pretending."

"Pretending what?" he pushed himself in a more upright position, having the need to feel taller in front of his patronizing daughter.

"That you don't love her," she stated the obvious.

He didn't answer for a while and Alexis feared, that she had gone too far but then he nodded, "I'll stop pretending. Someone told me not to waste another minute."

"So you actually have gotten wiser," Alexis grinned and then enjoyed her father hearty laugh that she hadn't heard since the whole case had started.

"Who would have thought, right?" He grinned and gave his daughter, who never failed to amaze him a hug.

Martha stood on the stairs watching the scene playing out in front of her. She smiled, _finally, _she thought to herself.

B-C-B-C

Hours later Kate awoke from a restless sleep, her mind drifted back to the cemetery, the moment were she had felt nothing and the most horrible pain all at once and all she could see was him and the words he had told her: _I love you, Kate!_

She knew she had to make a decision.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi guys, thanks again for the reviews and story alerts. It really makes me happy to see that you like it.

I hope, those of you, effected by Irene are safe and sound.

I have one question though: Where is Castle's bedroom? Downstairs or upstairs? And where is the guestroom? Does anyone know? Or if no one knows where do you think they are? Grateful for any suggestions.

And now on with the story.

B-C-B-C

Alexis sat at the kitchen counter, poking through her scrambled eggs, not really feeling hungry. She had woken up early and since then her mind had been on a racing match. She stared at the refrigerator, not noticing her grandmother who came down the stairs.

"Hey kiddo, why so serious?" Martha asked and walked over to the kitchen to sit down next to her granddaughter, eying her closely.

Alexis put her spoon down with a sigh. "Do you think he's okay? I've never seen him so devastated."

"Oh dear," Martha put one hand on each of Alexis' shoulders and looked at her, "That's the price we pay for love. We care and that makes us vulnerable."

"I guess, I just don't want him to get hurt."

"Of course not, honey. We both don't want that," she studied Alexis, sensing that there was more, "And she doesn't want him to get hurt either," she added finally, having the feeling that her granddaughter's worries had to do with her father's partner.

"I know, at least not on purpose, but do you think she has any idea, what she's doing to him?" she got up and put her breakfast bowl into the sink with a bit more force than necessary.

"You know kiddo, when it comes to Beckett; I guess that's a mystery only your father can solve."

Alexis was about to say something, but was stopped by Martha's raised hand, "I know you're worried, me too. I don't like your father following her around and getting himself into danger, probably because he's not listening to her in the first place, as much as you do. But we both know, he's not going to stop and Beckett has been through a lot and I don't mean just the past days. Don't expect her to come around just like that. Let her heal and then we'll see what happens. But beside all that, we both cannot deny, she becomes him. She makes him well not a better person, but certainly a better man."

"I guess you're right," Alexis said and then added with a smile, "At least the last part."

"That's my girl," Martha grinned and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

B-C-B-C

He woke in the morning feeling groggy, though he had been exhausted, sleep had not come easily. He had tossed and turned, memories of the past days had haunted his dreams. When peaceful sleep finally came it had been early morning.

He stepped into the kitchen area and saw Alexis and his mother chatting over the kitchen counter.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked as he sat down next to Martha.

"Oh just some girls morning talk, nothing for your ears," Martha said and patted his cheek.

Castle grimaced, "I guess it's best not to know."

"You got it kiddo!" Martha laughed and got up. "You have to excuse me now. I'll have to go to the school. The carpenter is coming today."

"Let him do his job, mother," Castle called after her, while she climbed up the stairs.

"Son, what are you thinking of me?" she mocked indignation.

"Only the worst mother, only the worst, I know that look of yours," he grinned.

"If you had seen Walter, you would understand," she smirked back and disappeared into the upper level.

"I'm sure I would," he mumbled and looked at his daughter. "And what's your plan for today?"

"School!" she replied.

"Ah I see nothing new on that front."

"And you? Beckett?" she asked, handing him a cup of coffee

He nodded, taking a sip. "Will go the 12th first though. See what Esposito and Ryan have come up with."

"Dad?"

"Mmmh?" he looked into his daughter's worried eyes. "I'll be fine, pumpkin. It's not me that they want. You don't have to worry."

"I still do," she admitted.

"I think that's fair enough," he said and stepped around the kitchen counter, pulling his daughter into a hug. "I promise, I'll be careful, no stunts, no solo-flights. I just want to know if they have a lead."

She nodded into his shoulder, "And Beckett?"

"What about her?"

"Is she safe?"

"They have a security detail on her 24/7. No one is going to get to her as long as she's in the hospital."

"But what about when she gets out?"

He frowned, he hadn't thought about that. "We'll deal with it when the time comes. Now get going you'll be late for school." He gave her kiss on the head and released her out of his arms.

She was almost up the stairs, when she turned around and looked at him once more. "Tell Beckett I hope she's better soon!"

"Will do," he smiled and watched her disappear.

B-C-B-C

"Yo, Castle! What are you doing here?" Esposito exclaimed and got up from his chair. He wasn't sure what else to say. They hadn't seen each other since the incident at the hospital where Ryan and he had dragged Castle out of the ER.

"Just checking, how my favourite homicide bro's are doing," he grinned and handed Esposito a bagel. "Where's Ryan?"

"Right here," Ryan laughed and snatched the second bagel out off Castle's hand.

"So we're cool?" Esposito asked, just to make sure.

"We're cool," Castle nodded.

Esposito and Ryan relaxed and sat back at their desks.

"So how is she?" Ryan asked, taking a bite from his bagel.

"I guess as good as it can be expected." Castle said. "She looks weak. Not like the Beckett we know. But I'm sure all it takes is a little time and then she'll be her old "bad-ass kicking" self again."

They all smiled, "Tell her we come to see her tomorrow. There's so much paperwork that we have to finish, we just won't be able to make it today."

"I'm sure she understands," Castle nodded. "Any news on the case?" He addressed his original reason for his visit.

"Nothing," Ryan replied, "No one has seen the shooter and we haven't checked the complete security footage yet."

"Forensics are checking the bullet, which they," he paused, "Well Beckett's bullet. Maybe it's a match with a former case, then we would have something to follow up on, but so far everything's a dead end. Who ever is behind this, he knows what he's doing. He's not leaving much to investigate."

They sat in silence for a while, "We have to find that bastard, or Beckett will never be safe." Castle finally said out loud what all of them was thinking.

"We will," Esposito said and looked at Ryan for confirmation.

"Yes, we will."

"Okay guys, I'll leave you to your detective work. Call me if anything comes up or you need anything. Whatever it is!"

"Got it," both said in unison.

"Good," he patted both on the shoulder and made his way to the elevator to drive to the hospital.


	4. Chapter 4

So here's already the next chapter. With Beckett! Hope you enjoy it. Comments are more than welcome! And Goodnight. Entering the bed bus...

B-C-B-C

He stepped out of the elevator, eyeing the hallway carefully for one certain Doctor. When he didn't see him he continued towards Beckett's room.

"Hey, Cho, how is it going?" he greeted the officer in uniform who was positioned in front of her room.

"Good, how are things with you, Castle?"

"Brightening up," he grinned, "Can I go in?"

"Sure, go ahead," Cho nodded and stepped aside.

Castle was about to knock on the door, when he stopped and turned to Cho once more, "Did you see Dr. Davidson today?"

"He is doing surgery all day, as far as I know."

Castle nodded and knocked, before he stepped into the room. Lanie was sitting at her right side and Jim to her left, only then he realized that he probably should have called to ask when it would be a good time to visit her, he looked from to another.

"Hey, all together," he smiled at Lanie and Jim, before his eyes came to rest on Beckett. She looked much better than the day before. The color had returned to her cheeks, the IV's had vanished and she sat upright in her bed, she smiled at him.

"Hey Castle," she greeted him.

"Ehm, if this is a bad time, I can come back later," he said, not wanting to intrude.

"Don't be ridiculous," Jim answered for his daughter, "I have to go anyway. Take my seat." He got up and placed a kiss on his daughter's cheek. "Take care Katie. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Bye dad," and thanks for the flowers, Beckett squeezed his hand.

Castle flinched, _flowers, _why hadn't he thought of that? He looked around and saw that her whole room looked like a flower shop. He made a mental note to think of something better than flowers to bring to his next visit.

Jim patted his arm and then walked around the bed to give Lanie a hug, "Bye you two; take good care of my girl."

"Will do," Castle nodded, before he took the seat that was previously occupied by Beckett's father.

He took her hand in his and squeezed it, "How are you doing?"

"Better," she smiled.

"Good," he looked at her with that sincere look that gave her all kinds of strange feelings. He looked over at Lanie who smiled at the sight in front of her, "And you Lanie?"

"What about me?" she asked confused.

"You're okay?" Castle clarified, noticing that she looked tired.

"A bit exhausted, but other than that I'm fine," she smiled.

He nodded satisfied, turning his attention back to Beckett, "So what do the doctors say?"

"That I'm mighty lucky to be still alive. That I'll have to take it slow and that they are confident that I will make a full recovery, if I take it step by step."

"That's good, right?" he asked. Beckett didn't seem too excited.

"They say I'll have to stay at least another three weeks!" she exclaimed.

"Kate, you were shot! You've lost a huge amount of blood. You can't expect to be a hundred percent after just a couple of days," Lanie said, getting angry. They had already discussed this with Kate's father.

"All I will do here is lying around. I can as easily do that at home. And it's not like I'm saying that I wanna go home right away." Kate pouted, sounding like a six year old that didn't get the puppy that she had wanted.

"Beckett," that was as far as he got.

"Castle, don't you start! I've already had the lecture," she warned.

He couldn't help the slight anger that was creeping up in him. How could she be so insentient? They had been worried sick about her; couldn't she just for once let others take care of her?

He looked over at Lanie, who just shrugged.

"I guess we don't have to discuss this now," he finally said, not in the mood for a fight. He wondered what Josh would say to her plans and actually considered the possibility to talk with him about it. All though the thought didn't thrill him.

They talked for about half an hour about this and that. Including extra thrilling topics like the weather and sport results. To his surprise she didn't ask about the investigation, but he knew it would be just a matter of time until she would bring up the topic.

"Alexis says hey," he finally said, when they had run out of chit-chat topics.

Kate smiled, "How is she?"

For a second he considered to give the safe answer, but he figured that she would sense that he wasn't faithful.

"She's worried," he admitted and his eyes grew sad.

"About you," she nodded. "I can understand."

"And worried about you," he added and again there was this sincere look on his face.

"Me?" she sounded surprised and touched.

"Yeah, you! She cares about you."

She sighed and looked at her hands and decided to say nothing, taking the safe route once again. But his statement had touched her deeply, more than she had expected.

"Okay girl, I have to go. I kept the dead waiting long enough for today," Lanie got up and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks for coming around Lanie," she smiled and returned the gesture.

Lanie looked at Castle and her look told him, that she wanted to talk to him in private.

"I'll be right back," he mumbled to Beckett and got up to follow Lanie out of the room.

"Go ahead, conspire behind my back!" Beckett called after them and slammed her fists onto the bed, which caused her wound to ache. She winced.

B-C-B-C

Outside the room Lanie led Castle to one of the benches and pulled him down next to her.

"Castle, you have to do something!" Lanie said with emphasis.

"Why is it that everyone wants me to do something? What makes you believe that she'll listen to me?" he asked frustrated.

"You're the only one she listens to," Lanie stated the obvious.

"In there," be pointed back at her room, "Did it, in anyway, seemed that she would listen to me?" he raised his eyebrows, questioning.

"Talk to her again," Lanie begged.

"Lanie, I don't want her to walk out of here in a week as much as you do, but the last time I asked her," he paused, "begged her to do something for me, for herself, she threw me out of her apartment, out of her life," he stopped again, the memory still hurting, "Beckett is not listening to anyone but herself. I wish, believe me, I wish she would listen to me, but we have to face the fact, that Beckett will walk out of here on her own terms."

"Then we'll have to come up with a Plan B," Lanie stated.

"What do you have in mind?" Castle frowned.

Lanie smirked.

B-C-B-C

When he walked back into the room he looked into Beckett's piercing eyes.

"What?" he asked all innocent.

"What did you have to talk about?" she asked.

"Nothing important," he smiled and sat back at her side.

"Castle?" she warned.

"Esposito and Ryan will stop by tomorrow, when they finished the paperwork," he ignored her.

"Don't change the subject, Castle!"

He grinned, "Not a chance, Beckett."

She grunted and stared ahead. If he wasn't going to tell her, he could as well go.

"Can you promise me something," he asked. When she didn't answer he went on, "Before you just waltz out of here. Talk to me, could you do that?"

She shrugged, still staring ahead.

"Kate?" his soft tone made her finally look at him and the pleading look in his eyes did the rest.

She sighed, "All right. I promise."

"Thank you."

They were silent for awhile, she fumbled with her hands, he studied her.

He was so lost in thoughts that he was surprised when he heard her suddenly speak.

"Esposito and Ryan? Do they have something?"

"No," he answered, "So far no leads. They're still working on the surveillance footage."

She nodded.

"The forensics are trying to match," he paused like Esposito had done earlier that day. He cleared his throat before he continued, "they're trying to match the bullet to open cases. So far nothing."

"I see," he could see that she tensed. He could only imagine what it had to feel like, to know that someone was after you and to be helpless to do something against it.

He took her hand and rubbed his thumb over its back, "We'll get him."

She looked at him and managed a weak smile.

They sat like this, when the door opened, he felt her hands quickly move away from his, when he saw Josh entering.

Uncomfortable silence filled the room, while Josh's eyes wandered from Beckett to Castle and back.

"Maybe I'll come back later," he said and was about to turn.

"No, I'll have to leave anyway," Castle used the same excuse that Jim had given earlier. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew that Beckett would kill him if he did right now. For once he behaved like an adult and got up. He smiled down at her, "See you tomorrow."

She nodded and watched him go.

Josh nodded at him a silent "Thank you" and moved to her side.

Castle walked down the corridor and didn't look back.


	5. Chapter 5

Here comes the next one. I'm not that good with those case stuff. But I'll do my best. You have to go through some Beckett/Josh stuff as well, but might like it. ;-)

Thanks again for the reviews and alerts!

B-C-B-C

„Yo Castle," Esposito greeted after Castle had picked up his phone.

He glanced at the clock on the wall, 11:45 pm. This must be important.

"Did I wake you?" Esposito asked, when Castle didn't respond right away.

"No, no, I'm still up! Did you find something?" he asked hopefully.

"Maybe, forensics could match the bullet to a cold case from '95. We are pulling the case files right now, throwing in a nightshift. We just wanted you to know in case, you might wanna join us?" Esposito explained.

"I'm on my way," Castle answered quickly and hung up. Scribbling down a note for Martha and Alexis, who already had called it a night, he rushed out the door.

B-C-B-C

30 minutes later he walked out of the elevator, steaming coffee and three boxes of pizza in his hand. Ryan rushed over to help him with the pizzas.

"You're the best, man," he exclaimed, beaming like a little boy on Christmas day, "I'm starving!"

"That's what I figured," Castle grinned, "A hungry mind doesn't work well." He ruffled through Ryan's hair like fathers do, a smirk on his face. Ryan ducked away.

"Thank you, daddy," Esposito laughed and grabbed for one of the boxes. They ate in silence, Castle stared at Beckett's empty desk.

"So, tell me, what have we got?" Castle asked to force his mind to think about something else, but the empty feeling in his heart that was caused by Beckett's absence.

"Okay this is the deal. As I told you Beckett's bullet was matched to a cold case from '95," he reached for his note pad. "Marissa Sanchez was assassinated on the May 15th 1995, while attending her son's Little League game in Central Park. The shot had been fired from a distance, similar to," he looked up, cleared is throat and continued," similar to Beckett's. We know now that both bullets have been fired from the same weapon. Probably a military sniper rifle."

"What about the woman?" Castle asked.

"Marissa Sanchez was 34, married, two sons. She worked as an assigned counsel, mostly in socially disadvantaged area's. She lived in the Village. According to family, friends and colleagues, she was a respected lawyer and liked by everyone. She especially got involved in cases which no one else dared to get involved. Obviously she gave people a chance and that probably got her killed in the end."

Castle looked up, "That could be our connection to Beckett's mom."

"That's what we figured, along the case files, we also ordered all records about cases that Sanchez had been working on before she got murdered." Ryan confirmed.

"Good, we find the connection, we might have a lead." Castle felt the blood pump through his veins faster. They might be on to something.

B-C-B-C

Hours later, they were still crooked over stags of files, Ryan yawned, Esposito rubbed his back and Castle tried to keep his eyes open. So far they had come up empty handed. The case itself held tons of similarities to the one of Joanna Beckett, there was no doubt that there _was_ a connection but they weren't able to figure out the specific connecting element. A name, a date, a place that said; Here's where you have to dig deeper.

Esposito sighed frustrated, "Nothing!" He threw another file on the growing stag in front of him.

"It's like the answer is right in front of us, we're just too blind to find it," Ryan sounded angry.

"Or too tired," Castle added. "I don't think this is getting us anywhere tonight. We all need some sleep. Let's call it a night and get back on this tomorrow. Maybe with a fresh mind, something will pop."

"I guess you're right," Esposito nodded. "Let's get out of here."

They walked to the elevator in silence, Castle had a stag of files under his arm.

"Listen, you guys go and see Beckett today after you got some sleep. I'll keep working on these," he said before they stepped out of the elevator and raised the files in his hand.

"You don't wanna see her?" Esposito frowned.

"Oh I want to, but you know she's going to hang us, if she finds out that we were all at her bedside instead of working the case. And she'll find out sooner or later."

Ryan smirked, "That sounds like Beckett."

"Tell her, I'll be back tomorrow. And guys, make something up about me having to do some writing, publishing stuff. Let's not tell her about this until we actually have something to tell, all right?"

Esposito and Ryan nodded and walked off into the dawn.

Castle arrived home and immediately crushed on his bed, too tired to change he fell asleep with his clothes still on.

B-C-B-C

Later that day Ryan and Esposito stood in her door way, shifting uncomfortable from one foot to another. They had never seen Beckett look so weak, it was disturbing. And left them a bit helpless.

"Come on, boys," I won't bite, she tried to lighten the mood.

They laughed but it was more an act, than a true one. Seeing her like this, made them realize how close they had come to lose her. Finally Ryan pulled one of the chairs at her side and sat down, Esposito did the same, sitting down next to Ryan.

"So how is it going?" Esposito beamed and could have slapped himself in the same second for his tone.

Beckett on the other hand found his statement refreshingly funny and started to laugh, though it hurt like hell, she was happy that someone didn't treat as if she had to be placed in a cocoon of cotton.

"It only hurts when I laugh," she finally got out, pressing one hand on her wound.

Ryan and Esposito looked at each other and couldn't help but join her, the tension was gone. As Castle did the other day the talked about this and that, avoiding the case and the recent developments, knowing Beckett, she would ask anyway.

"Any leads?" she finally directed the conversation in her preferred direction.

Esposito and Ryan exchanged glances, that didn't went unnoticed by Beckett.

"What?" she prodded.

"We've followed some, but so far they have all been dead ends," Ryan stretched the truth without lying.

She nodded, "I see."

"Beckett, we do what we can," Esposito jumped in when he saw the disappointment in her eyes.

"I know!" she quickly stated. "It's just frustrating."

"If we find something, you'll be the first to know," Ryan added and earned himself a kick against the shin, wincing he glared at Esposito.

Beckett frowned at the two of them, "There's something you're not telling me."

"No," Ryan answered a bit too fast for her taste.

"Castle is behind this right?" her eyes were piercing at them.

"Look Beckett," Esposito tried it again, figuring that the truth was the best defence in this case, "He's worried and yes he did suggest we keep you out of this until you feel better, but I swear so far there is nothing to tell. I swear!"

She sighed, "All right, all right. Where is he anyway?"

Again the two detectives exchanged glances.

"He had to take care of some publishing matters for the new Nikki Heat novel," Ryan explained.

"Oh," her disappointment was evident in her voice.

"But he'll be back tomorrow," Esposito added quickly.

"That's fine," she forced a smile on her face and changed the subject.

After Ryan and Esposito had left she sat alone in her room, fumbling with the remote control and switching through TV channels. She knew she shouldn't be as disappointed about the fact that he wasn't coming today as she was, but she couldn't help it. It's not that she didn't understand that he had to take care of things, she just had been looking forward to see him. More than she wanted to admit to herself.

B-C-B-C

He woke around noon and crawled out of bed and under the shower. The warm water waking his senses and easing the pain in his back. With the towel wrapped around his waist he padded into the kitchen and looked into the fridge. He found a brown bag, pinned on it was a post-it.

_Dad, eat something! See you later xxx Alexis_

He grinned and grabbed for the bag, in it he found a perfectly made Turkey sandwich.

"Good kid," he mumbled to himself and took a bite.

Later he sat on the kitchen counter, going through the remaining files. When he grabbed for the second last he had almost given up on finding something. He started to read the file of Marissa Sanchez on one of her clients. A 23 years old Tyrell Brown charged with murder in the first degree. Tyrell Brown pleaded that he didn't do it but no one had listened to his story, no one but Marissa Sanchez. According to her records, Tyrell had been framed by a circle of drug dealers who wanted to get rid of a rival. That was all he could find in the file. He looked through it again, skimmed through the remaining papers on the counter, but the rest of the file was not there.

He grabbed for his phone and dialled a number, they had their lead.

B-C-B-C

Later that day, Josh had stopped by and sat on her side. He talked about his cancelled trip to Africa for 'Doctors without borders' and she knew she should be grateful that he knocked his plans over the head, to be with her, but she was barely listening. Her mind was on Castle and the investigation, she knew something was going on. Esposito's explanation had calmed her only temporarily and it bothered her that she couldn't ask Castle about it. She had considered the possibility to call him, but finally decided against it. After all, she didn't really know what he was up to today and she didn't want to intrude. She figured after all what happened she hadn't the right to. Even though he seemed to have forgiven her, for that night in her apartment, she still felt guilty. She knew he deserved better, even when she had thrown him out of her apartment she had known, that she had done him wrong, but she was so blinded by her rage and need of revenge that she didn't care.

"Hey, are you listening to me?" Josh looked at her, with questioning eyes.

"What?" she looked confused, "Sorry I was …," she didn't finish the sentence.

"Somewhere else?" he asked, sounding angry.

"Sorry," she apologized, "It just drives me nuts that I don't know what Castle and the boys are up to."

"I really don't wanna talk about Castle," he sighed frustrated.

She looked at him, sensing his mood change.

"You nearly died, Kate! You've been out of a coma for three days and instead of resting and being glad that you're still alive, all you can think about is your job and this writer!" He got up and started pacing the room.

"What do you expect me to do?" she exclaimed getting angry herself.

"I don't know?" he said sounding ironic, "Let others do the job for awhile?"

"Josh, someone tried to kill me and that someone is still out there! And who ever is responsible for this has also murdered my mother. You cannot seriously expect me to just sit here and pretend everything is fine!" she was now yelling at him and her wound starting to ache, she pressed her flat palm on it.

"Why not?" he asked.

She stared at him, "Because I can't change who I am!" she spoke firmly and then looked away.

"I see," he opened the door, "I have to check on my patients."

And with that he was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

I know you're waiting for some Caskett. Me too and I promise I'm getting there. I just need to built it up right. I have a plan. At least I think I do. Stick with me. ;-)

B-C-B-C

Castle stormed out of the elevator the minute the door opened. He hurried towards Esposito's and Ryan's desks and swore under his breath when he couldn't find them. He looked around and finally saw them in Montgomery's office. He moved closer to get a better view. He frowned, Esposito and Ryan were talking to a woman he had never seen before. She moved behind the desk, Montgomery's desk he thought, and sat down.

Suddenly she looked at him, she said something to Esposito, he answered and pointed at Castle. Again she looked at him and signalled him to come in. He pointed at himself and mouthed: Me? She nodded.

He stepped into the office that was still filled with the memories of Montgomery and looked from one to another, confusion evident in his eyes.

"Richard Castle?" the woman addressed him.

He nodded, "Yes, that's me. And you are?"

"I'm Victoria Gates, the new Captain."

He looked at her surprised, but shook the hand she offered him.

"Not what you expected Mr. Castle?" she asked challenging.

"Truth to be told, I haven't expected anything," he answered and glanced at the two detectives who sat to his right.

"I've heard a lot about you Mr. Castle. You're reputation precedes you." She said and lent against the front of the desk.

"Does it?" he coughed, not knowing if this was a good or a bad thing.

"Absolutely, the bestselling-crime-novelist that helps to solve real life murders, not likely something that you can keep a secret in our business," She smiled, but something about it was unsettling. "So Mr. Castle, Detectives Ryan and Esposito were just to telling me about the events that led to the murder of Captain Montgomery and Detective Beckett wounded and I'm sure that you can further enlighten the situation."

Castle glanced once more at the other two who seemed to be very uncomfortable, "I'll do my best."

"I expect nothing less, Mr. Castle. Of course I'll have to talk to Detective Beckett but I think it's fair to give her another day or two," again he noticed that unsettling smile of hers. He prepared himself for the worst.

After two hours they had given more answers than they had thought to be possible. They had to be careful not to break the oath that they had given days earlier. Meticulous they maneuvered around the one topic they couldn't touch. Montgomery's real involvement in the case. Finally Gates seemed to be satisfied.

"All right, I think that would be all for now." Gates said and was about to dismiss them, when Castle interrupted her.

"Actually not quite," he pulled out the files he had taken home with him. "I think I might have found something in this old case files that could be a solid lead."

Gates looked sceptical but signalled him to go on. Castle laid out the case of Marissa Sanchez and especially the similarities to Joanna Beckett's case. Finally he came to Tyrell Banks and his assumption that this man could know who was behind this.

"We need to talk to this Tyrell Brown," he ended and looked into the enthused eyes of Ryan and Esposito, one look at Gates let that look disappear.

"I appreciate your diligence Mr. Castle," she said, "But I have to ask you to stay out of the further investigation."

"What?" he stared at her in shock. She couldn't be serious.

"Mr. Castle, you have permission to work closely with Detective Beckett. As long as she's not returned to duty, I cannot have you working on this investigation."

"We'll see about that," he said and pulled out his phone.

"I know about your connection to the mayor and believe me Mr. Castle. That won't change a thing," she stated firmly.

"Someone is out there trying to kill Beckett. Someone who already got her mother killed and we all know, he won't stop until Beckett's dead as well. Do really expect me to stay out of this?"

"I do. First of all you're not a part of this police department or any other and truth to be told, as much as everyone else seems to like your involvement in our investigation for publicity reasons, I'm not a fan. And second, it did not escape my notice that you and Detective Beckett seem to have a rather inconvenient relationship. I fear you're too close to this."

"You can't be serious. What about them?" He pointed at Ryan and Esposito, "Aren't they _too _close?" He knew that he was being unfair, but he didn't care.

"Contrary to you, Detectives Ryan and Esposito are trained to do their job. I have no doubt that they are capable of doing their job in the most professional way." She looked at them.

"You need me!" He tried once more.

"We'll see about that. Now that's all," she said and sat down behind her desk, busying herself with paperwork. Esposito and Ryan got up and nodded. Esposito took Castle's arm who shrugged him off, his eyes still on Gates.

When he finally turned to leave, she spoke without looking at him, "Oh and Mr. Castle. If you interfere with this investigation in any way, I'll make sure that your days here with us are numbered."

With this the conversation was over. All he could do now was to fill in Esposito and Ryan on his findings and go home.

B-C-B-C

He sat in his study, a glass of scotch in his hand. He was angry, more than that! He was furious. He had no doubt that Ryan and Esposito would do anything they could, but he felt use- and helpless. He gulped down the liquor and kept staring at the ceiling. He would call the mayor anyway and if it was only to find out more about the new Captain.

He fell asleep with his head on the manuscript of the latest Nikki Heat novel.

B-C-B-C

The next morning came fast and merciless. Alexis shook his shoulder and it took him a minute to realize where he was.

"Did you sleep in here the whole night?" she asked him, sounding like a disapproving mother.

"I think," he yawned and stretched his back.

"Someone definitely needs to shower," Alexis flinched when she smelled the alcohol.

"Will do," he promised and got up, trying to get some feeling back into his legs.

"Dad?" she asked concerned.

He looked at her, "Daughter?"

"Are you okay?"

He held her gaze, "No," he finally admitted. His daughter would figure it out anyway. "I'm off the case."

"What? Why?" she looked shocked, though a small part of her was relieved.

"The new Captain obviously thinks that I'm first of all," he mocked Gates tone, "Not an official member of the police and probably an idiot and second; too close." He made it sound rediculous.

She looked at him, "That's not all together wrong, is it?"

He looked at her surprised.

"Don't get me wrong," she paused. "I just don't want anything to happen to you," she quickly added.

"I know," he sighed and pulled her into his arms.

After awhile she stepped back, wrinkled her nose and pointed up the stairs, "And now get a shower!"

He laughed, "Yes Ma'me!"


	7. Chapter 7

After Alexis and Martha had both left for the day, Castle took care of some business matters that needed his attention and couldn't be further delayed unless he wanted to deal with a fuming Gina and he certainly did not. Later he tried to write, but couldn't concentrate. Around noon he decided that the only way to resolve his restlessness was to go and see her.

He was already out the door when his phone rang, he picked up without looking who it was.

"Castle," he answered.

"Yo Castle, Esposito," the detective greeted him in his typical way.

Castle stopped in front of the elevator, not pushing the button.

"What have you got?" he asked.

"Ryan and I had a closer look on Tyrell Brown. After Marissa Sanchez had been killed, a young fellow stepped in to take over the case," Castle heard him flip through his notepad. "James Rawlings. Fresh from law school, his first case. Needless to say he lost it. Brown was convicted and got a life sentence. Brown was send to Rikers Island, where he was killed after only three days in what was officially declared a prison riot."

"Does that sound as phony to you as it does to me?" Castle asked dryly.

"Absolutely, so we called this Rawlings. Being his first case he remembers it pretty well and guess what he said?"

"He thinks Brown was innocent."

"Exactly! He told us that the whole case seemed to be manipulated. Witnesses changed their statements, evidence disappeared, files went missing, you know the story. He tried to talk to the authorities, to the commissioner, but no one listened. They figured he just wanted to make a show out of his first case. When he got the call that Brown had been killed, he wasn't surprised, said Brown had expected to die soon."

No one spoke for what seemed an eternity, "Did Brown tell him something about who's behind all this?" Castle finally questioned.

"No, but he think he knew something but probably was too scared to share."

"So that's it?" Castle sounded frustrated.

"I'm afraid it is," Esposito agreed. "We're heading back to the precinct."

"Okay guys, thanks for keeping me in the loop. Not sure the 'Godmother of Protocol' would approve though."

"Well I guess she'll never know," Esposito smirked and hung up.

Frustrated Castle punched his fist into the wall and winced, "Why does this always look so cool in the movies?" he muttered to himself, while he returned to his apartment.

After he had put some ice cubes into a towel and put it on his hand, he thought about his next move. Tyrell was a dead end, literally, as everything in this investigation seemed to be. His view fell on his notepad and he had an idea. It was worth a try.

B-C-B-C

Beckett felt uncomfortable, she couldn't get rid of the feeling that she had to justify herself for getting shot. The woman in front of her, Victoria Gates, _Captain_ Victoria Gates, _her_ new Captain, she couldn't get her mind around that. She still couldn't believe that he was gone forever.

"Okay Detective Beckett, that would be all for now," Gates finally ended the inquisition.

_For now? _Beckett sighed. How much more? Gates got up and gathered her things. She stood and offered her hand to Beckett.

"I hope we can soon welcome you back at work," she said and smiled, the first honest gesture that Beckett discovered on this woman.

"Thank you," answered.

When Gates was at the door, she turned around once more, "I almost forgot to inform you that Richard Castle won't be working on this case anymore. For future collaboration," she paused, "Well we'll just see how that turns out."

She was gone before Beckett could react.

She stared at the door for a couple of minutes; Why hadn't he told her? Eventually she had enough of the musing, she grabbed for her phone and dialled his number.

"Beckett, is everything all right?" he sounded genuinely concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine!" she quickly said.

"I just," he didn't finish the sentence. They were both silent for a moment.

"Why didn't you tell me that she took you of the case?" she finally asked when he didn't continue.

"Oh I see the Godmother of Protocol paid you a visit."

"Who?" she asked.

"The new Captain," he clarified.

She was glad he couldn't see her face, if he could he would have seen the wide grin that was plastered about it.

"You didn't answer my question," she pointed out.

She heard him sigh, "I wanted to tell you in person."

"I see," she replied.

"And," he continued, "I guess not talking about it makes it less real." He was surprised by his own honesty and so was she.

"Castle?" she spoke softly, something she rarely did, but before she could share what was on her mind, he interrupted her.

"Ehm, Beckett. I gotta go. I'll talk to you later!" And with that the line went dead.

She frowned, what was that about? She couldn't quite push the feeling aside that was forming in her stomach. Castle was onto something and that could only mean trouble. Ignoring the nurse that shortly stepped into the room to signal her to get some rest she dialled another number.

B-C-B-C

Castle stopped in front of the shabby apartment complex, he checked the address again and then looked at the endless list of names that was displayed at the entrance. He was catching for straws here, it had been over 15 years after all, but he had to try. With his index finger he ran down the lines until he found the name he was looking for. Third floor, he calculated and pushed open the door.

Stepping into the dark corridor he sensed that he was watched. White guys were rare in this neighborhood. He climbed the stairs to the third floor and had to decide whether to turn right or left, he chose the latter. He scanned the doors, searching for number 315, finally he found it. Taking a deep breath he knocked.

He heard muffled steps behind the door and then a small voice, "Who is it?"

"My name is Richard Castle. I would like to ask you some questions about Tyrell, Mrs. Brown," Castle answered.

"Tyrell is dead," he heard the bitterness.

"I know, I would like to find out why," he explained.

"Are you police?" the voice now sounded suspicious.

"No, I'm a writer," he heard a key turn and chains being removed, slowly the door opened a crack. An old woman stared at him.

"A writer?" she questioned.

He nodded.

"And you're here because of Tyrell?" she made sure.

He nodded again, "Yes I like to find out what happened to him."

"So you think he was innocent?" she still sounded unconvinced.

"Yes, Ma'me that I do. I want to find out the truth."

She studied him a moment longer, before she opened the door a bit wider and let him step in. Castle followed her through the tiny apartment that was much tidier than he had expected. She pointed towards one of the armchairs and he sat down.

"Coffee?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you," he smiled and took in the room, while she disappeared into the kitchen. He heard her rumble through kitchen cabinets. He looked at the pictures on the wall, faces of smiling children looked back at him. Her grandchildren? A fresh bouquet of flowers stood on a sideboard, to the left was another door, the bed or bathroom he assumed. His view wandered further and came to rest on a picture of a young man that he had seen before. Tyrell Brown.

"He was a good boy, you know," he was a bit startled by her sudden appearance and gave a little shriek. Beckett would have liked that, if she was here. The old woman smiled at him and handed him a steaming cup of coffee. "He was just in the wrong company. It was hard for him, growing up without his parents. I'm not saying he was an Angel, God knows he did a lot of things he shouldn't have done, but he could never have killed that man."

"Mrs. Brown, did Tyrell ever mentioned someone that threatened him?"

"To be threatened is a part of life in this neighborhood," she replied.

"Was anything different before he got arrested? Did his behavior change? Anything, even if it seems unimportant?" he tried.

"It's such a long time ago," he had the feeling she was far away. "But I remember, he was home more often and earlier then usually."

"Do you have any idea why?" he asked.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't think I can be any help. An old woman like me, my memory is not like it used to be."

He understood, "Can you think of anyone else, who he might have talked to? A friend?"

Her eyes lid up, "Yes, his best friend Marcos Suoza."

"Where can I find him?"

"He owns a store two blocks from here," she opened the drawer of the sideboard and handed him a card. Suoza's it simply read. "Here's the address."

He thanked her and left the apartment, stepping out onto the street he headed north.

B-C-B-C

"Sorry Beckett, I don't know where he is!" Esposito replied for the second time.

"Well then you better go and find him and when you do, bring him here. Someone has some explaining to do." With that she hung up.

"What's up?" Ryan shot Esposito a questioning look.

"Beckett thinks that Castle is working on the case," Esposito explained.

"Ouch, writer boy is in trouble," Ryan smirked.

Esposito grinned and they exchanged their 'dancing fire fingers' hand shake.

"Let's go find him," Esposito grinned and pushed Ryan towards their car.

B-C-B-C

When Ryan and Esposito pulled up in front of the store, they smelled trouble. Rushing in, they found Castle pinned against a wall. Suoza making sure he stayed there, when he saw Ryan and Esposito, guns armed at him, he let got.

"I knew you're with the cops!" he exclaimed.

"He's not," Ryan replied, when he cuffed Suoza, who surprisingly did not put up much of a fight.

"You're really a writer?" he asked surprised.

"I'm a New York Times 1# Bestselling Author!" Castle corrected and pulled down his shirt before he followed the other three out of the store.

"How did you know I was here?" Castle asked when Suoza was sat in the car.

"The GPS of your phone gave you away," Ryan said.

"Ah, I had that App. Alexis' didn't like it. Had to delete it," Castle said more to himself.

"What were you doing here anyway? You know you're off the case!" Ryan asked.

Castle quickly explained what had brought him to the Bronx. He outlined his visit to Tyrell Browns grandmother and what he hoped to learn from Marcos Suoza.

"Beckett will be fuming!" Esposito tried to hide the grin on his face.

"Beckett? Why Beckett?" Castle frowned.

"Who do you think sent us after you?" Ryan asked.

"She knows? Shit!" he flinched. He knew he was in trouble.

"She wants us to drop you off at the hospital. ASAP!" Esposito added.

"Oh, come on guys! Please, what can I do?" he was begging now, but he didn't care. Anything to delay the inevitable. He knew she would rip his head off.

"Sorry bro, orders are orders!" Ryan and Esposito smirked at each other.

B-C-B-C

She waited, patiently. Esposito had sent her a text message that they were on the way. When he finally crept into her room, she almost forgot her anger. Guilt was written all over his face and she could see that he was scared of her reaction. It gave him this funny expression she usually enjoyed, but then she remembered what he risked with his behaviour.

"What were you thinking?" she exclaimed when he slowly moved closer.

"I just wanted to help!"

"Well Castle, you're not!" she glared at him.

"What? You don't even know what I found out!" he exclaimed. Until now he had hoped that she actually wasn't angry because he'd been poking around on his own, but because he hadn't kept her in the loop. He realized now that she was genuinely pissed, because he didn't follow Gate's order.

"It doesn't matter!"

Until then he had hoped that she actually wasn't angry because he'd been poking around on his own, but because he hadn't kept her in the loop. He realized now that she was genuinely pissed, because he didn't follow Gate's order. It confused him.

"It doesn't matter? It doesn't matter?" Now he was the one getting angry, "You honestly tell me, that it doesn't matter to solve this case, to find the man who's responsible for your mother's murder and Montgomery's?"

Her next words surprised even her, "It doesn't matter if it means you're running around on your own, getting yourself in danger! What would have happened, if Esposito and Ryan hadn't showed up? What? It doesn't matter if this means, Gates won't let you come back!" Her confession made her stop. She looked away.

He stared at her in shock, "What?"

"Gates said something about rethinking your participation in our investigations." She was surprised to see that he actually didn't know.

"I didn't … she didn't," he paused. "Well, isn't that what you wanted from the start?" he tried to lighten the mood and smirked.

She looked at him, her eyes wide, a hint of sadness in them, "I didn't mean that. I wasn't thinking that night."

Surprised he moved closer and sat down at her side on the bed, taking her hand.

"I didn't mean it," she said again.

"I know, I was just kidding," he tried to reassure her, but it didn't work. He could see tears well up inside her beautiful eyes and gently stroked her cheek. "Ssh, it's okay."

"No it's not Castle. You scared me, because the truth is. You _do_ know me. Better than anyone else and that scares the hell out of me. You were right about everything. I do hide, because it's easier than letting someone get too close. I try to keep people at arms length, but," she looked at him, "but I couldn't keep you. And that scared me even more. I'm so sorry! You were worried and treated you like a bitch."

A single tear ran down her cheek and before she could wipe it away his thumb caressed the spot, "Kate, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it. I honestly do. I know you, right? I can decipher your subtext," he gave her a smile. The one that was only for her and she smiled back. He could get lost in those eyes forever and he did. His hand was still on her cheek, he could feel his heart beat, he could see her eyes moving to his lips and back to meet his. When he was about to close the distance between them, the door was opened. The moment was gone.

The nurse was measuring Beckett's blood pressure and frowned.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay here it is. I think you'll like it. It's not the M part, but the other thing, some people wanted me to do. So here you go!

BC-B-C

The next days passed rather uneventful. Suoza had nothing or did not want to share, in any way there was nothing to follow up on. Esposito and Ryan kept looking, digging through old files, while Castle true to his word, he gave Beckett, stayed out of it.

Finally, after 7 days of unnerving nothing, Kate Beckett decided she had had enough of hospital life. When Castle visited her that day he walked right into her argument with one of the doctors.

"Detective, you're in no condition to leave this hospital on your own, or to stay alone in your apartment. A relapse is still a possibility and in that case immediate medical care is essential!" he stated firmly.

She slammed back into her pillow and huffed. She would go mad, if she had to stay another two weeks in this room.

"What if she wasn't alone?" Castle asked out of nowhere and made both, the doctor and Beckett look into his direction in surprise.

"And how's that suppose to work?" she asked, not getting where this was going.

"You're staying with me, us," he added quickly.

"But, what about Alexis and Martha?" she was too startled to come up with a better respond.

"What do you mean? They would love to have you around. I already discussed it with them. And they think it's a great idea," he beamed at her.

"You already discussed it?" she stared at him in disbelieve.

"Yep, Lanie and I thought it would be good to have a back-up plan in case you pulled a "Beckett"," he added quotation marks with his fingers.

"A Beckett?"

"That's what the kids call it these days," he grinned even wider.

"Well, whatever they call it, I'm not going to stay with _you_!" Why did this man always have to drive her crazy?

He shrugged, "Your choice. Stay here or come home with me. Of course only if this is okay with your doctors," he looked at the one standing in front of him.

"If you can assure me, that there someone to check on her frequently, that's a compromise I can support." he nodded.

Both men looked at Beckett, she glared back. After a seemingly endless time of silence she gave in, as much as she disliked the idea of being depended on Castle, the thought of having to stay another two weeks in this hospital was much more unbearable.

"All right," she pouted.

"Glad we could settle this," Castle squealed a bit too delighted for her taste, "I'll pick you up later then."

"We'll have to do some concluding tests and then she's good to go, though I would like to emphasize once more, that you're leaving this hospital at your own risk."

"I know," she nodded and looked once more at Castle.

"I'll be back in two hours," he said left, winking at her. She gave him one of her famous eye rolls.

B-C-B-C

When he stepped into the corridor his smile grew wider. Lanie's plan had worked. Knowing that Beckett would put up a fight to leave the hospital early, Lanie had talked to the doctors to make sure they only let her go if she had someone to look after her. And since Castle was the only one who could work from home, the decision who would take care was easily made. On his way home he called at the precinct to get a security detail for his apartment. Then he called Martha and Alexis and asked them to get the guestroom ready, while he had some errands to run.

After that he called Lanie and asked her if she could stop by Beckett's apartment to get her some clothes and other stuff that she might like to have.

"I'm on my way!" she replied. "I'm glad our little plan worked out."

"You should have seen her face," Castle laughed.

"I can imagine that look!" she grinned into the receiver. "I'll drop the things at your place as soon as I can."

"Thank you Lanie!"

"No thank you, Castle," she said sincerely and she meant it.

An hour later he stepped into his apartment, grocery bags in his hands, "Girls?" he called out.

"We're upstairs, Dad!"

He placed the bags on the kitchen counter and climbed up the stairs to join his mother and daughter in the guestroom, "Wow!" he exclaimed as he saw what had done to it.

"Not bad, huh?" Martha beamed. "We thought it could use some remodelling. After all we want Beckett to feel at home and not feeling like a hotel guest."

"You're gorgeous!" He pulled them close and gave them both a kiss. "Thank you!"

They had bought flowers, had rearranged the furniture and brought all kinds of books, cd's and DVD's upstairs that Beckett might like.

Satisfied he left them to prepare dinner and headed back to the hospital to pick up his other girl.

B-C-B-C

Beckett sat on the edge of her hospital bed, willing the clock to go faster. When the door finally opened it was not Castle.

"Josh," she said surprised and suddenly realized that she hadn't talked to him all day and that he had no idea that she was leaving the hospital. There was no use to tell him that Castle had offered to take her in, since she had no intention to follow through with that. She would kindly ask him, to drop her off at her apartment and if that didn't work she would, well she wouldn't be that friendly anymore.

"I heard you're checking out," he stated. His tone cold.

"Yeah, sorry I hadn't had the time to tell you."

"Sure," he nodded.

She had expected him to give her lecture how irresponsible it was to leave the hospital in her condition instead he looked at her with bitterness. Finally he spoke.

"So you're going to stay with Writer Boy?"

She frowned, "Well, no. They just wouldn't let me go home on my own, so I figured... ." She didn't finish the sentence.

He hadn't moved since he had entered the room and he didn't now, "You know what's funny? All this time you accused me of not being committed to this relationship, of being away too much of God knows what and the one who actually never was _in _this relationship is you."

"Josh? I told I'm not going to stay with him," she defended herself.

"Maybe not but he's the one you obviously talked to and I'm the one who just heard it from a nurse. It's pretty clear to me, where you have your priorities."

"What do you mean? I did not," he didn't let her finish.

"What I mean is, it's over!" He looked at her one last time before her he walked out of her room and most likely out of her life.

She thought she would feel sad, but then, people leaving her was a constant pattern in her life, she was used to it, had steeled herself against the hurting and finally had stopped to get too involved and the only feeling she could come up with right now was relief. But why? That he had been the one to end it, so that she hadn't to do it. That she yet again had escaped a relationship before she had to give something of herself? Or was her feeling of relief caused by a certain handsome writer that happened to stroll into the room in this very moment. She would have smiled at him, hadn't he not pushed a wheelchair in front of him.

"I'm not going to sit in that!" she exclaimed.

"Doctors orders, my dear Detective, at least until you're out of here," Castle smirked, knowing that she would hate it. To his surprise she quickly obeyed her fate and placed herself in the wheelchair.

"Let's roll out of here," Castle mimicked a roaring engine of a car and pushed her towards the door, she rolled her eyes.

Rolling out of the main entrance, Beckett took a deep breath, filling her lungs with fresh air and taking in the sunny day. She knew it was the right decision to get out of that horrible hospital that only made her feel weak and hurt.

"Detective Beckett, just left the building," Castle stated in his best announcer voice and Beckett laughed.

At the car that was waiting for them Castle help her, placing one arm around her waist he let her to the back seat and helped her get acquainted, he could see her wince when she had to bend down and for a second he asked himself if they were doing the right thing, but he pushed the thought aside.

Once he settled in next to her she gave him this look that meant trouble approaching.

"Listen Castle, I really appreciate the offer and everything but I'd rather stay at my own place," she waited.

"Kate, I will say this only once! It's rooming-in with me and my two ladies, or it's right back in there!" He pointed at the hospital. She looked at him and couldn't recall a time when she had seen him this determined or more serious, without really wanting it she nodded.

"Sam, we're good to go," Castle told the driver, satisfied that for once he had won. He had outwitted her.


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for the delay, crazy day at work. This Chapter is totally Caskett. Enjoy!

B-C-B-C

She wouldn't admit it, but she was nervous. When they stood in front of Castle's door she held on to him a bit more than she had before. He noticed it, but didn't say anything. He opened the door and gently guided her in, sensing her hesitation, he wrapped his arm more securely around her waist.

"Kiddo! I'm so glad you're back on your feet," Martha greeted Kate the minute they stepped in and immediately embraced her in a soft hug, careful not to hurt her. "How are you feeling?"

"To be honest? As if I've been run over by a truck," she managed a smile, still nervous and searching the room for Alexis. "Where's Alexis?" she asked, trying to sound casual.

"I'm right here," Alexis exclaimed as she came running down the stairs and stopped right in front of them, for a moment she hesitated but then Alexis wrapped her arms around her father's partner and sighed, "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Thank you," Kate got out and swallowed down the lump in her throat. She was overwhelmed by this friendly and warm welcome. Martha and Alexis had always been more than nice to her, but right now they treated her as if she was part of their family. A feeling she hadn't felt in a very long time. As a matter of fact she knew exactly when she had felt like this for the last time. It was the day before her mother had been murdered. And the thought of family gained a bitter aftertaste. But here, right now, with Castle having one arm still wrapped around her and Martha and Alexis welcoming her to their home, the thought of family warmed her heart.

"So, I believe we have some dinner prepared," Castle finally pulled her out of her thoughts, "Would you like to eat down here with us or are you too tired?"

"No, I think I'll be fine down here with you guys. Besides I'm tired of eating alone."

"Good!" Martha nodded in approval, "Eating alone only makes one grumpy."

They moved to the dinner table, Castle still right at her side and she was surprised that instead of being annoyed by it, she thought that it was rather sweet.

Dinner was lovely. Alexis and Martha did most of the talking and Kate enjoyed the light hearted conversation. She noticed that Castle watched her attentively and before they got to dessert, he got up and moved to her side, "I think this has been enough action for today. Let's get you to bed," if she hadn't been tired as hell, she would have put up a show to fight him on this, instead she nodded and got up on shaky legs. She wasn't as fit as she would have liked pretended to be and immediately his arm was back around her.

"Thanks for the dinner and for taking me in," she smiled at Alexis and Martha.

"Anytime kiddo," Martha replied and Castle recognized her term of endearment for the second time tonight and smiled.

He guided her slowly up the stairs and towards the guestroom, when she suddenly stopped and looked at him.

"I have nothing with me! All my clothes are at my place!"

"No need to worry! I took care of it," Castle replied.

"Please don't tell me you've been nuzzling through my underwear!" she pointed her finger at him in a warning.

He couldn't help but laugh, he sure would have liked that, "No, Lanie got your stuff and brought it over."

"Okay, your luck!"

He got her settled into the room and went back downstairs. Once she was alone, she let herself sink onto the bed. She took in the room. It looked different from the last time she had stayed here. Her view wandered over the books, DVD's and CD's that were placed on one of the cupboards. She looked at the bouquet of flowers on the nightstand and had to realize that Richard Castle was probably the most caring man she had ever met. She wondered how she could have missed this for such a long time. Sure, she had figured out rather quickly after they had started working together that there was more to this man than his smart-ass-attitude and she had caught glimpses of his caring side, whenever he had worried about Alexis. But when she found his caring aimed at her, she was startled to finally see the real Richard Castle. And she suddenly realized, he had always been this way with her, she just had chosen not to see it.

Castle was putting the dished into the dishwasher, when Martha rubbed his back and made him look at her. "How's she doing?"

"She tries to play it cool, but she's pretty beat."

"Did I tell you how proud I am of you!"

He frowned at her, "Why?"

"Whenever it came to women, you have been pretty selfish. Fair, but selfish. But with her," she pointed upstairs, "You changed."

"I just don't want her to get hurt."

"Call it what you want. But I know true love when I see it." Martha patted his shoulder, "Now go upstairs and see if she needs something."

"Aye, aye!" he tipped his forehead and headed up stairs.

"Come in," she called out, when she heard the soft knock on her door.

Castle poked his head around the door, "Are you decent?"

She laughed, "Yep, you have permission to come aboard."

She lay in bed, cushions tucked around her. She moved a bit, so that he could sit down next to her.

"You're okay?" he asked, gently tucking a strand of her brown, golden hair behind her ear. How she longed to lean into his touch, but she didn't.

"Tired, but okay," she replied.

"You need something?"

She shook her head, "I'm good."

"Okay than I'll let you go to sleep. If you need anything, I'll be next door. Just call." He stared at her for a moment before he finally forced himself to break their eye contact.

"Goodnight, Kate!"

"Goodnight."

He was at the door when she stopped him by calling his name, "Rick!"

He turned around to look at her.

"Thank you!"

He smiled, "Always!"


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry, it took me so long. I have rewritten this one a dozen times. I hope you'll like it. Temperatures are rising...

Thanks again for your reviews. I love them!

Oh and btw only two more weeks to go!

B-C-B-C

Kate woke early the next morning and for the first time since she had come out of the coma in that hospital room she actually felt alive again. She turned her head to check the clock on the nightstand. 06:30 am. She pealed herself out of bed and picked up the bathrobe that was lying on one of the armchairs. She peeked out of the door into the corridor and then carefully slipped down the stairs to the kitchen. It was Saturday morning and she expected that everyone else was still fast asleep, but when she stepped into the kitchen she was surprised to see Martha rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.

"Good morning," Kate announced herself and stopped in her tracks, feeling just a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh, good morning, Kiddo!" Martha glanced at her watch, "Up already?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep anymore and thought I get some water."

"That can be helped," Martha smiled and fetched a bottle out of the fridge, while Kate sat down on one of the bar stools at the counter.

"Why are _you_ up at this hour?" Kate asked, taking the bottle that Martha handed her.

"Well, contrary to expectations, the art never sleeps," she stated dramatically and then added, "I have an acting class to teach at 8:00 am. The early bird - bla bla."

Kate laughed, but it faded quickly when she remembered something that she had wanted to ask Martha since she had arrived yesterday, "Martha can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" she took the bar stool next to her.

"Is it really okay, that I'm here? I mean with the security detail and everything. I don't want to put anyone of you in danger!" Kate spoke quietly and looked down at her hands, avoiding eye contact.

Martha sighed and placed her hand over Kate's that was placed beside the bottle of water on the counter. "Listen, Kate," she spoke softly and waited until Kate raised her head to look at her, "The way I see it, we have two options here: Either you stay at your apartment and my son would be there with you, whether you'd like it or not, or you're staying here with us, where I can have an eye on the both of you. And tell you what? Option two sounds so much better to me!" She patted her hand softly when she said it.

Kate managed a weak smile, "Still, I think … "

Martha didn't let her finish, "I know you're a strong woman and I know you want to take care of yourself and deal with thinks on your own, but there are moments in our lives where we have to allow others to help us. Let other carry a bit of the burden, at least for awhile. That does not make you weak, Kate." Martha paused to let her words sink in.

"This might sound strange to you, but we consider you a part of this family. And families look out for each other. And the best way for us to watch out for you is to have you here with us. If Richard hadn't been so firm about having you here, I would have been!"

Kate just sat, not knowing what to say. The idea of being part of a family had been taken from her. All this years ago, when her mother had been murdered in that alley. And though she still had her father and her boys at the 12th were some sort of family substitute for her, she had never confused this with the real family she used to have. And here she sat and Martha told her that she had a family and the most surprising thing for her was that she started to realize that it actually might be true. Martha sensed the ongoing storm of feelings in Kate and stepped closer, pulling her closer into a soft embrace. She held her, while Kate held still, trying to breath. After a while Martha slowly let go and took a step back, taking Beckett in she noticed the red eyes and was worried that she might have held on a bit too tight, considering her still healing wound, "Did I hurt you?"

Kate shook her head, managing a smile, "No." And then she had to laugh, "No, you didn't hurt me!"

Martha smiled back and then noticed her son coming down the stairs. She brought her finger to her lips and whispered to Kate, "You're secret's safe with me."

Kate laughed again," Thank you Martha!"

Martha leant forward, placed a kiss on Beckett's cheek and then headed for the door, "Take care kids!" She called out before the door closed behind her.

Castle eyed his partner suspiciously, "What was that all about?"

"Oh, just girls talk," she lied.

"You're okay?" he asked a bit worried.

"Better," she nodded.

Castle was about to say something, when Alexis came jumping down the stairs, "Hey are you two planning on having a breakfast party without me?" she exclaimed in mocked indignation.

"We would never do such a thing! Now would we, Detective?" Castle raised a questioning eyebrow at Beckett.

"No! I took and oath not to do that!" Kate played along.

"Good, but now that I'm here; What are you waiting for?" Alexis laughed and ducked into the fridge for the eggs.

While they sat and ate, Kate was surprised how natural this all felt to her. Kate Beckett whose breakfast normally consisted of not much more than a coffee and a bagel, not to speak of the fact that she barely ate seated, was sitting between her partner and his daughter enjoying scrambled eggs, fruits and coffee and light conversation and couldn't help to think of Martha's words. _Family_. And she felt it. It warmed her heart and it scared her to hell all at the same time.

After breakfast, Castle ushered her back to bed, insisting that she rested. She did, but not without protest. But back in bed she couldn't fight her eyes that slowly closed out on her and was only waken by a soft knock on her door around noon. To her surprise it was not Castle, but Lanie who poked her head around the door.

"Hey, girl, how's it going?"

"Quite all right," she said and tried to sit up. When Lanie noticed her wince, she hurried at her sight and helped her.

"But not that good, huh?" she asked, frowning.

"One wrong movement and it hurts like hell," Kate admitted.

Lanie nodded in understanding and then sat herself down next to her, taking her hand, "I'm glad that you're here!"

"Here with Castle?" Kate grinned.

"No, you know what I mean!"

"I do," Kate squeezed her hand to tell Lanie that she understood.

They sat in silence for awhile until Lanie cleared her throat, "So how is living with writer boy?"

Kate smirked and shot her friend a look that said: You beast!

"Fine," she simply replied.

"Just fine?" Lanie frowned, sensing that this was only half of it.

"Okay, he's really extraordinary," Kate admitted and then added quickly, "So are Martha and Alexis."

But that was lost on Lanie, she had only heard the first part, "Really? Something I should know?"

"Actually yes, but not what you think. Josh and I broke up."

"Oh," was all Lanie could say. If she was honest, she wasn't surprised.

"Actually he did break up with me," Lanie didn't say anything, knowing that silence sometimes produced more answers than asking, "He thinks that I was never really in this relationships and I guess he's right."

"I'm glad you finally noticed that," Lanie simply stated.

"You knew?"

"Honey, the only one who does not see where she belongs is you!"

Before Kate could respond there was another knock on the door and Castle stepped in, "Got you girls some drinks and snacks," he announced.

"Thanks Castle," Lanie got up and took the tray out of his hand.

He looked from one to another and sensed that he was interrupting something, "Well, I let you girls get back to your girl talk," he added quotation marks, "If you need anything I'm downstairs."

He left, but neither Lanie nor Kate approached that topic again. An hour later, Lanie stepped into the living room, finding Castle over his notebook.

"Hey," he looked up when he saw her, "You're done gossiping?"

"She fell asleep," Lanie ignored his remark.

Castle got up to walk Lanie to the door, "I never thought I would say this, but Richard Castle you're a great guy."

He started to grin, but her hand shot up, "No! Don't. Don't spoil the moment by saying something stupid."

He raised his hands in surrender. She stepped closer to him to place a kiss on his cheek. "Take good care of her."

"I will! He assured her.

"I know!"

B-C-B-C

It was later that day, when Kate made her way down the stairs again and found Castle on the couch, watching a TV show.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty." He smiled at her.

"Hey," she replied. "What are you watching?"

"Oh, nothing important," he switched off the TV.

She strolled towards his CD and record selection and flipped through the LP's.

"Pointer Sisters?" she frowned and pulled out a copy of the 1978 album Energy.

"Oh, I love the Pointer Sisters, there's nothing like the Pointer Sisters to get an evening …," he realized what he was about to say and stopped. Instead of answering her questioning eyes, he snatched the LP out of her hands and placed it on the record player.

"Oh, just you wait!" he rummaged through some old Vinyl records until he found the right one and placed it on the record player.

Castle strolled back to the couch and patted the spot next to him. She studied him and then decided that there was no harm in having some down time with him.

"I'm surprised you're not checking on me every 20 minutes," she said, settling back into the cushions as the music filled the room.

"I know you like your freedom," he simply stated. And she noticed once more how well he actually knew her.

"What does Josh think about all this?" Castle asked out of nowhere.

"What?" she tried to buy time.

"About you being here," he clarified. "Staying with me."

"I don't think he cares. And if he did he doesn't have a say in this anymore." She looked pass him at something on the wall.

"You broke off?" he questioned, wanting to be sure he got this one right.

"He broke off with me," surprised by her own honesty she looked at him.

"His loss," Castle held her gaze.

"I guess you can't loose what you never had." She whispered. "Another thing you were right about."

They gazed into each others eyes, lost in time until she turned away and started to get up. Rolling her head, she moved her hands to her neck and groaned.

"Stiff neck?" he asked.

"Mmh," she replied and then she froze when she felt him pushing her back down on the couch, his hands on her neck. Carefully he turned her back towards him and started working on her shoulder.

"Relax," he said, "I won't bite."

She shook her head, more to herself then intending to give an answer, and did as he said. Slowly he applied pressure, paying close attention to her respond. Did he hit the right spot he applied a bit more pressure, letting his fingers do their magic. It was when his thumbs reached her hair line at the back of her neck and drew small circles, when he felt her breath quicken. For a second he was unsure what to do, but then he heard the soft moan.

She had given in to his touch, enjoying what his hands did to her shoulders or maybe what they did to her, but then he had hit that sensitive spot, right there, at the back of her neck, that if touched the right way, drove her crazy.

She thought of pulling away, but it felt too good and so she gave in. Castle was quick learner and when he realized what he was doing to her he dove right in. He heard the Pointer Sisters singing of 'Kisses of Fire' and prayed a silent 'Thank you' to them.

She moaned in pleasure as he continued his expertise torture on her neck, biting on her fingers she tried not to let it get out of control and it was then that she felt his breath on her neck. Hers caught and she closed her eyes, awaiting his lips on her skin.

Just then the front door opened and Martha and Alexis walked in, "What are you doing there?"


	11. Chapter 11

For a second they were both paralyzed, like a deer caught in the headlights of a car at night. Martha and Alexis stood in the doorway, eyeing them curiously and trying hard to hide their amusement.

Castle jumped, his hands shooting up like basketball players did, when they wanted to say: I didn't touch him!

"I was just, you know her neck hurt," he tried desperately to come up with some kind of story justifying his actions, "And I was just giving Det. Beckett here," he pointed at her just in case someone did not know who he was talking about, "A massage. You know because of the neck. Stiff and so."

He finally stopped, his head red, his face pulled into a sheepish grin and his right hand running through his hair as if that would do the trick. Kate just stayed put, staring at her hands and thinking if she held really still, the others would forget that she was there.

"Did that look like a massage to you?" Martha shot her granddaughter a devilish look.

"Is that what they call it these days?" Alexis grinned from ear to ear, "We actually call it making out!"

Kate's head shot up, the same bright red as Castle's.

"Oh and look, Det. Beckett gained some color back," Martha nearly choked on her own joke, when she tried not to laugh about the fact that Kate's face just turned another shade of red darker. But she figured enough was enough and with a wink she and Alexis made their exit up the stairs. They had almost made it to the top, when Alexis said, "Teenagers!"

Silence filled the room. Kate couldn't recall a moment where she had felt more embarrassed. Maybe in High School? Nope, she didn't think so. What would Martha and Alexis think of her? How could she have let things get out of control like this? And how could he …? She didn't finish the thought, because she suddenly heard him laugh. She turned around and stared at him in disbelief. How could he laugh at this?

"I really don't know what you're laughing at, Castle?" she sounded angry and he realized that, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Oh my mother, that old, deceitful beast," he pointed his fingers at the stairs, where the beast had just disappeared.

"What?" Kate couldn't believe it.

"She played us. She totally played us!" He exclaimed. "Seriously Kate, what did we do? She was just hitting on something that she thought might have happened."

"Castle, are you kidding me?"

"No! Did you not notice how much she enjoyed this? Us sitting here like teenagers that have been caught by their parents? She nearly choked because she had to fight laughing so hard. And Alexis, oh that little brat!" He chuckled again.

Kate thought for a moment, maybe he was right, but she wasn't ready to admit that just yet, instead she got up and moved towards the stairs. Climbing up she muttered, "You and you're Pointer Sisters."

That, made him laugh even more.

B-C-B-C

Kate stayed in her room for the rest of the day, when Castle asked if she wanted to come down for diner later, she said she wasn't hungry. When he tried to talk to her, she said she was tired.

"Hey Kate," he tried it again, "I'm sorry, if my mother…"

She didn't let him finish, "This is not about your mother, this about you and your talent to make a joke out of everything!"

"What, did I do?" he was confused.

"Nothing, Castle, nothing! And if you could leave me alone now, I would really appreciate it."

He thought about pushing, not realizing that she actually had revealed more than the obvious, but her face told him that he wouldn't get anywhere with her right now.

"Okay," he sighed and got up. "Good night." 

"Night," she mumbled and turned away.

"Trouble?" Martha asked her son, when she saw him coming back down.

He shrugged.

"Richard, I'm sorry if I crossed a line earlier, but I couldn't resist. I'll go up and apologize to her," Martha said and already got up from her chair.

"No, I don't think that's it. Not really anyway. I guess it's best to leave her alone right now."

"You're sure?" she questioned and he nodded.

B-C-B-C

"Dad! Dad!" Alexis shook her fathers shoulder trying to wake him. He opened his eyes and looked around, realizing that he wasn't in his bed, he obviously had fallen asleep on the couch.

"What?" he asked still trying to shake off the dizziness of sleep.

"Beckett," she said and he was up.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, I heard her scream," he was already up the stairs, before she could say anything else.

"Kate!" he called out, the panic evident in his voice. He didn't bother to knock, when he stormed into her room. The light from the hallway fell through the open door and he saw her crouched down beside the bed. "Kate," he kneed down next to her trying to see what was wrong. He noticed the look on her face and shivered, he had never seen her like this. "What happened?" he asked softly.

She didn't speak instead she just pulled her legs up and put her arms around them, avoiding his eyes.

"Kate?" he asked softly and moving to sit down next to her. His shoulder touching hers. Still she didn't answer nor acknowledge his presence and he really started to worry. Physical she looked fine, well as good as you could expect after what she had been through, so her current state must have been caused by something else. Since she wouldn't speak he raised his left arm and placed it around her shoulder. He held his breath expecting that she would recoil or hit him or worse, but she didn't. After a while he felt her lean into his touch and he pulled her closer.

At first he wasn't sure she actually said something, but then she cleared her throat and slowly pulled out of embrace, "I think I should better get back to bed," she looked at him, "And you, too."

"I can," he started but she shook her head.

"I'm fine," she blocked whatever he wanted to offer. What she really wanted more than anything was for him to stay. To feel safe in his arms, but she couldn't bring herself to admit it. She just couldn't. It wasn't her to be this needy. She had never needed a man to feel safe. She had needed them for other things, it was nice to have them around under her conditions, but this need for him was frightening her and that's why she held back and pushed him away.

He nodded, "I'm next door, if you need me."

She lay in the dark, her head spinning. The pictures that had pulled her out of her sleep had been so real; she had needed time to realize that it all had been a dream. A nightmare. The blood she had seen had been everywhere and at first she had thought that it was her own. The more she was horrified when she saw that it was Castle's. That's what had woken her with a scream. And now she didn't want to close her eyes again, afraid the images would come back. She had no idea how long she had stared at the ceiling, when she realized that this wouldn't get her anywhere. Least of all back to sleep. She pounded her options, a sleepless night or giving in to her need to feel safe. Martha's words from this morning came to her mind, about family and taking care of each other and she figured what the hell?

He heard the soft knock and expected Alexis to check on him, the more he was surprised to see Beckett in the doorway.

He sat up and blinked into the light, trying to see her face and when he couldn't he acted on instinct. If he was wrong he would be totally screwed, but he did it anyway. He moved over in his bed, pulled the covers up and signalled her to join him and she actually did. Stepping to his bedside she moved under the covers and pulled them close. She could feel her heart race. Was he actually moving closer to her? Before she could think about it she felt his arm pulling her close and settling her back against his chest and she could swear; she stopped breathing. To paralyze to do anything she just held still and that's when she heard him mumbled into her neck, "Told you. I'd always have your back!" Despite the shivers that his breath on her neck sent down her spine, she chuckled and he thought it was the most wonderful sound he had ever heard in his bedroom.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry it took me so long. The weekend was a bit busy. But here it comes. I hope you enjoy it!

7 Days to go ...

B-C-B-C

He was still fast asleep when she woke the next morning, his arm still holding her close and she couldn't help but smile. It felt good. It felt right. She turned, carefully not to wake him and took the opportunity to study his face without being afraid to be caught. He looked relaxed, peaceful and pretty cute. She had always pictured him to be a snorer, but all she could hear was his regular, deep breathing which soothed her. Her hand reached up, but she hesitated, her hand floating in the air, until she finally reached out and let her fingers run through his hair. He stirred and sleepily opened his eyes. He blinked and was surprised to look into her green eyes that were surprisingly close.

"Morning," he mumbled and popped himself up on his elbow. "You're okay?"

She nodded and smiled slightly. They looked at each other, lost in their nearness, both sensing the electricity that was floating between them. But it was more than just sexual attraction, more than just too people who wanted to give into the passion that had connected them from the very first moment they had met. While lying in bed together, closer to each other than they had ever been before, gazing into each others eyes, with no words spoken, they said more than they had ever before. In these minutes they searched each others souls for answers that they had never had the courage to ask out loud. And for some reason that they could not explain it was not in the least awkward or strange to wake up this close to one another. But Kate knew she had to face reality and this better sooner than later.

"Castle?" she spoke softly and waited until she was sure she had his full attention. She hesitated, afraid that what she was about to say would ruin everything, but she knew that if they wanted to have a chance, she had to do this.

"I heard you," she simply stated, hoping that he understood.

He didn't and raised one questioning eyebrow.

"At the cemetery," she clarified, "I heard what you said." She looked at his chest and her hands started to fumble with his shirt, which made it hard for him to concentrate.

"I meant it!" he whispered softly, looking at her.

She glanced quickly into his eyes, before they landed on his chest again. "Castle," her voice was barely a whisper and he had to listen carefully not to miss what she said, "I … I can't. I mean I need … ."

"Time," he finished for her.

She nodded. She wanted to explain, wanted to make him understand, but the words failed her.

She felt his fingers under her chin and he slowly raised her head to make her look at him. "Kate, I understand. You have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere."

"You sure about that?" she asked and again tried to hide from his view, but he waited until she looked at him again.

"Absolutely," and he said it with such sincerity that she couldn't help but smile. "Trust me!" he added and she nodded in reply. Her eyes studied him and then she leant towards him, closing the distance between them and placed an ever so gentle kiss on his lips. It was meant to be a gesture, a thank you that he understood that she had to do this in her own way and time, not more, but then she felt his hand on the back of her head, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss and she didn't protest. She met his need with her own and the small gesture turned into a passionate kiss. Her hands cupped his cheeks to pull him even closer and when his tongue begged for entrance, she willingly obeyed. His hand wandered down from her head to the small of her back, pulling her even closer, their bodies flushed together, she ignored the pain that their close quarters caused to her injury and moaned when she felt his fingers touch the bare skin on her back, where he had pushed her shirt up a bit. Only the need for air made them finally pull away and left them in an awkward silence, breathing heavily, their faces flushed, their lips swollen and their eyes dark with desire.

"Time," she finally mumbled and pulled away from him.

"Right, time," he agreed and watched her slip out of the bed, when she reached the doorway she turned back and looked at him, with a smirk she said: "I'll make it worth the while." And with that she was gone and all he could do was stare at the empty doorway and then he had to laugh, his Beckett was definitely back.

B-C-B-C

Breakfast was spent in an easy silence. Martha had left early and Alexis had a date with Ashley. They glanced at each other from time to time over their plates, quickly looking away when theirs eyes met. Both hiding their smiles.

After breakfast Jim Beckett stopped by to pick up his daughter. She needed to go to the hospital for a check up and afterwards they wanted to head out for dinner to have some quality time. Castle gave this time to do some paperwork that he had put off for much too long and so he found himself in his study sifting through mail. Most of it was unimportant, but the thick manila envelope caught his attention. He picked it up and turned it in his hands. There was no return address and he wondered what was in it.

"Only one way to find out," he spoke into the empty apartment and ripped open the envelope. He pulled out it's content and frowned at the files he found in his hands, a white paper sailed to the floor and Castle bend down to pick it up. It was folded in the middle and he opened it to see what was written on it. When he realized who had sent him the package, he sank back into his chair, staring at the paper in his hands.

_Dear Richard,_

_w__hen you receive this letter, you already know what happened. What I did._

_I'm not proud of what I have done, but there's no way for me __to change the past. And believe me I would. The only thing I can do, is help you to find the person who is responsible for this. _

_I wish I could just tell you the name and this whole thing would be over, but if I knew who is behind all this I would have ended it a long time ago._

_All I can do is to give you these files. Files that I w__as suppose to destroy but hid instead. This is a case file that Johanna Beckett requested when she looked into the murder of Bob Arman to help Joe Pulgatti. All I have collected over the years concerning this case are in this envelope._

_The reason that I sent you these files is that I know you will be able to handle her. Take care of her and stand you ground on this one. Don't let h__er storm into this without back-up. It could cost her her life._

_I trust you with this, Castle._

_I'm sorry._

_Montgomery_

For minutes he just sat there, staring at the letter in his hand and the files on his desk. Finally he reached for them and started reading.

B-C-B-C

After her appointment at the hospital Kate and her father stopped at an Italian Restaurant in Greenwich Village.

"So what did the doctors say?" Jim asked while he studied the menu.

"That they are very satisfied and that I'm doing much better than they had expected," she told him and smiled.

"I'm very happy to hear that. So Richard is taking good care of you?" noticing his daughter blush, he smiled. "Something I should know?" he questioned.

"What do you mean?" she faked innocence, but avoiding his eyes.

"Katie," he placed his hand over hers, "Can I ask you to do something for me?"

She looked up alarmed, "Sure, what is it?"

"Be happy! Don't let the murder of your mother run your life. She wouldn't want that. I know you want to find her killer and believe me I want justice too. But it will not bring her back and if finding her killer means that you never allow something good to happen to you, because you're too afraid to loose it, then I don't want you to find who ever did it. So please promise me: Try to be happy. Allow yourself to be happy. He's probably the best that ever happened to you."

She stared at her father and then slowly nodded, "I know."

B-C-B-C

After Castle had read the files for the third time, he finally put them away. He locked them in the drawer of his desk. He wasn't sure what to do with them. All he knew was that he couldn't tell her, not now. Not until she was a hundred percent and even then he wasn't sure, if she should knew. He knew he had to tell someone about these files, he couldn't just pretend that they didn't exist but right now, he decided to lock them away.


	13. Chapter 13

_I know this is short. I'm sorry. Busy week and even busier weekend ahead. I'll try to make up with the next chapter._

_B-C-B-C  
><em>

_She felt his hands all over her body, his breath on her neck, his lips on her skin and it was driving her crazy.__ He was all over her, worshipping her body like no man had ever before. It was surreal and she couldn't get enough. Not enough of this. Not enough of him. All she could think was "More!" Her hands shot into his hair, pulling him closer, he groaned and buried his head in her neck nibbling his way down her collar bone and then further down her body, when he reached her breasts he stopped shortly before he captured her right nipple with his lips. Her body arched up, her head shot back and he could hear her moan his name, which only turned him on even more. While his mouth paid attention to her breasts his right hand wandered down her body, tucking on her panties. Thinking that there was still much fabric between them, but her hand stopped him. He looked up searching her eyes for the reason and was surprised when she smiled at him, with one finger she signalled him to come closer, "Come here," she whispered seductively and pulled his head up to place a passionate kiss on his lips and what this woman could do with just one kiss._

"_Kate," he moaned and started his journey down her body again to fulfil his unfinished task and this time she didn't stop him. Her panties flew through the room and landed __on a bookshelf. His lips were burning a path down her stomach towards her most sensitive and intimate area. Was this really happening? Was she really in bed with Castle and was he about to kiss her … "_

She woke with a start, breathing heavily she tried to figure out where she was. Slowly she realized that she was in Castle's bedroom and remembered that she had had another nightmare, which had her ending up in Castle's bed again. She looked over at him, he was fast asleep on his side of the bed. Did she just thought _his _side? Okay, she had to get out of here. Carefully she slipped out of bed and out of the room. She made her way down to the kitchen and sat down on the kitchen counter. So much for needing time! "Great job, Beckett!" she said to herself and got up again to walk into his study and look for something to read. Anything to distract her. She pulled out a Kathy Reichs novel and jumped when she sent three other books flying on the floor. She bent down to pick them up, when she saw something lying under the desk. Putting the books back into the shelf, she pulled the paper from under the desk and looked at it.

_Dear Richard,_

_when you receive this letter, you already know what happened. __What I did._

She stared at the paper in disbelief. She read it again and could feel tears of rage filling up her eyes. How could he?

"Kate? What are you doing here? It's 5:30 in morning!"

She spun around to face him, holding the paper up, "What is this?" she demanded to know.

At first he was confused, but then he realized what she was holding in her hands, and he could feel the blood freeze in his veins. This was not the way he had wanted her to find out.

"I …," he looked helpless.

"How long? How long do you have this?" she asked icily.

"A week," he admitted, avoiding her eyes.

"A week? A week? When did you plan to tell me?" she was beyond being angry, she was furious. She didn't even let him answer, "You know what Castle! I don't even wanna know! I don't care. I trusted you!"

"Kate!" he tried to get a foot on the ground.

"No Castle! I don't wanna hear it! Give me those files or whatever Montgomery sent you and I'm out of here! Of all people I thought you had understood what this case means to me. I don't need this. I don't need you to make my decisions. Give me those files!"

He went around his desk and pulled out the files from his top drawer, when he looked at her, his manner had changed. Anger was now evident in his eyes.

"Here!" he spat and through the files on the table. "You know what Kate, believe what you want to believe! I should have known that you would find away to get yourself out of this," he gestured between the two of them.

She did not answer, she grabbed the files and stormed back upstairs, threw her things into her bag, pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater and stuffed the files into her purse.

The last thing he heard was the front door slam shut.


	14. Chapter 14

Happy Castle day to all the lucky ones of you, who can enjoy the season premiere tonight! Enjoy!

B-C-B-C

„Yo Castle, what's up?" Esposito answered his phone, surprised that Castle called this early in the morning.

"Can you get me the audio files of the Suoza interrogation?" There was no time for pleasantries.

"Well, good morning to you, too!" Esposito smiled into the phone.

"Esposito!" Castle almost barked impatient.

"You're off the case, Castle!"

"I don't care!" Castle hissed.

"And Beckett?" Esposito asked, wondering where this was coming from all of a sudden.

"She doesn't care!"

"Castle, what's going on?" Now Esposito was worried.

"Can you get me those files or not?" he sounded calm and icy, not like the Castle he knew.

"I'll email them to you - Castle…?" The last thing Esposito heard was the beep of the disconnected call.

When he looked up Esposito saw Ryan watching him, "What's wrong?" his partner asked.

"Castle just hung up on me!" Esposito exclaimed and as if to proof it to himself, he held the receiver to his ear once more, just to make sure.

"What did he want?" Ryan frowned.

"He wants the audio files of the Suoza interrogation."

"But he's off the case?" Ryan repeated what Esposito had just said to Castle. "And he promised Beckett not to get involved."

"That's what I told him," Esposito said and then sat down on his computer.

"What are you doing?" Ryan wanted to know, as he stepped closer.

"I'm mailing him the files," he replied without looking up.

"No, Esposito. What if she finds out?" Ryan nodded towards Gates office.

Esposito looked at Ryan and then at the open door of Gates office. He seemed to ponder his options. Finally he took a deep breath and looked back at Ryan.

"Listen, Castle gave us the Montgomery files a week ago and so far we have nothing! At least nothing that is conclusive enough to make a move or talk to Gates about it. I don't know what your take is, but I think we need help. And since we can't ask Beckett, Castle is the best chance we have."

"Okay, but what about Beckett?" Ryan asked.

"He said she wouldn't care," Esposito shrugged.

"That doesn't sound strange to you?" Ryan questioned.

"I don't know. Maybe he told her!"

"No way! You know how determined he was about this. No, something must have happened. I better try to call her." Ryan moved towards his desk and picked up the phone.

"She's not picking up," Ryan called over his desk.

"Are you trying her cell?"

Ryan gave him a "duh?" face, shaking his head in disbelief about this dumb question.

"Maybe she's still asleep. Let's try again later." Esposito suggested.

"And what are we going to do now?"

"Castle obviously thinks there is something we overlooked during the interrogation. Let's have a look at it again."

B-C-B-C

When she entered her apartment she was still furious. How could he just keep important evidence like this to himself? They had lost a week. A whole week! She couldn't understand why he did it. He of all people knew what it meant to her to solve this case. That she needed to solve it to go on with her life, to leave all of this finally behind her. He was the one to push her to reopen the case in the first place and now he kept what could be their biggest lead from her. She had trusted him and he had betrayed her. She threw her bag into the corner and let herself fall onto the couch, the files in her hand. But through all the rage she couldn't fight that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that tried to tell her she had made a mistake.

When she started to read the files she thought about calling Ryan and Esposito but decided against it. First she wanted to know what Montgomery had left them. She ignored her cell that was ringing over and over again through the day, thinking it was Castle and only focused on the files. She read them over and over again but just couldn't find it. There were a many new aspects, but the connecting element, the one that screamed out was still missing. Nothing seemed big enough to justify any further digging. She had hoped for a name or an organisation that would stick out, but so far nothing. Disappointed she placed the files aside and went into the kitchen, she was bout to order something to eat, when she heard a knock on the door.

Being sure it was Castle, she ignored it. But a few seconds later there was the knock again, louder and more persistent.

"Kate, I know you're in there, open up!"

She sighed and walked to the door to open it. "Lanie I'm really tired," she said. But Lanie ignored her and marched straight past her into the living room.

"We tried to call you all day!" she exclaimed fuming. "Why didn't you pick up? And why aren't you at Castle's place anymore?"

"Since you know I'm here, I'm sure he told you," Kate stated balky.

"No he didn't. When I got to his place he wasn't there. Martha told me that you had left and she had no idea why. So what happened?"

Kate dug for her phone, ignoring Lanie's impatient foot tapping and scanned through the caller list, she was surprised to see that all her missed calls, where either from Lanie, Ryan or Esposito, but none from Castle.

"Girlfriend spit it out!" Lanie demanded.

Kate walked over to her living room table and picked up the files, "He kept those from me."

"The files Montgomery send him?" Lanie asked.

"We lost a whole week because he decided to keep them to himself! Do you know what that means?" she stopped suddenly and frowned "Wait a minute. You know about this?"

"I do," Lanie confirmed.

"But how? I mean …," Kate was confused.

"Honey, do really believe, he kept this files to himself for a week?"

Lanie could see the mind of her friend work and decided it was time to give her the whole picture.

"After he got those files he called Javier and Ryan and sent them copies. True to his word to _you_," she emphasized her words by poking her finger at Kate's shoulder, "He stayed out of it."

She dwelled on that for a moment, "Still he should have told me!"

"Kate, he almost lost you! We almost lost you! Barely three weeks ago you were shot and almost died. And while you prefer to pretend that this has just been a tittle, well get this; It's not. What did you expect him to do? Give you those files and then what? You would have thrown all caution to the wind and be out there. And you know what? I agree with him, you're not in the constitution to do this. Not yet anyway. And if you want to punish him, because he cares, well frankly; Then you're stupid! Think about that!"

And to Kate's surprise, Lanie left without another word, leaving her alone with the guilt that slowly crept to the surface. And she realized that this time, she had really messed it up.


	15. Chapter 15

Sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy it. Almost done now.

B-C-B-C

After staring at the wall for half an hour she couldn't put it off anymore. She grabbed her coat and keys and headed out the door, when her cell phone rang.

"Esposito?" she asked.

"Beckett, where the hell have you been? We tried to reach you all day," Esposito sounded genuinely pissed.

"I'm sorry," she started but was cut off by Ryan who had snatched the phone out of Esposito's hand.

"Listen Beckett, we got a situation here, no time for explanations, pick you up in five!"

She listened to dead air and frowned but eventually made her way out of her building. True to their word Esposito and Ryan stopped next to her, barely four minutes later, she got in and could hardly buckle up, before Esposito steered them back into traffic.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Bronx!" Ryan stated.

"Why?"

"Castle, he wants to speak to Suoza again," Ryan explained.

"What? Where his he now?"

"Already there!" Esposito hissed.

"Alone? Has he lost his mind?" she exclaimed. How could he be so stupid?

"Well I'm sure you have your fair share in this!" Esposito joined in, his tone cold as ice.

She didn't respond. She knew he was right. Her outburst most certainly made him break his promise to stay out of the case. She could understand that, what she couldn't understand was why he put himself in such a great danger.

"He thinks Suoza knows something," Ryan changed the subject.

"But what makes him think Suoza will cooperate now?" Kate asked.

"You'll see," Ryan shrugged.

"Did you try to call him?" she asked when she couldn't stand the silence anymore and knew the answer. She didn't get one anyway.

Esposito stopped the car in front of Suoza store and turned around to face Beckett, "You stay here! No argument."

She nodded and stayed put while Ryan and Esposito got out of the car and drew their guns. They nodded at each other and disappeared into the shop.

She sat and waited, drumming her fingers against the passenger's seat in front of her. Five minutes later which seemed like an eternity Esposito, Ryan and Castle stepped out of the store. Kate shot out of the car and froze when she saw the blood on his face. She wanted to say something, but she came up blank.

When he saw her he stopped and shot her a look that clearly said: What the hell are you doing here?

She ignored it and instead asked, "What happened?"

"Castle took a blow by Suoza," Ryan explained and sort of shoved Beckett and Castle into the back of the car.

"And now?" Beckett asked.

"Now we wait for the uniforms to take him in. Let him spent the night in our custody and then put a detail on him and wait!" Esposito grinned.

"Wait for what?" she questioned.

"He's under pressure. He thinks we're on to something. So maybe he gets nervous and tries to talk to someone." Ryan explained.

"Someone?" she had a hard time following.

"The someone, who knows what this is all about." Esposito finished.

"So you're sure he knows something?" she looked from one to another.

"Definitely," Castle spoke for the first time without looking at her. "Remember when Montgomery said that he wouldn't tell you who's behind this?"

She nodded.

"With the files Montgomery sent me a note," he fumbled in his pocket, pulled out the paper and handed it to her, but didn't wait for her to read it, "In the note he suddenly says that he doesn't know who the guy is."

"That doesn't make any sense," she frowned and saw out of the corner of her eyes four uniforms entering the store. Ryan got out to give orders.

"Right, that's what I thought. So I figured it has to be some sort of hint. You know like, nothing is as it seems."

She nodded without really understanding where this was going.

"So I checked the names again and called an old buddy at the FBI. He owed me, so he ran all the names that popped up in the files. And guess what. Marcos Suoza's real name is Miguel di Lara."

"That name is in the files!" She exclaimed.

"Indeed it is." Castle nodded.

"Wasn't that the guy in the file about the drug-gang thing in 1992?" Esposito cut in.

"Exactly," Castle confirmed. "My guess his: He helped the feds, probably gave them some names and in return got a new one himself and a new life. I'm not sure what happened after that but to me it looks like we have a new lead."

She looked at him and smiled but it faded when she saw the look on his face, "Well you have a lead," he added and turned away from her.

She was about to say something but Ryan jumped back into the car and declared, "Ready to roll."

The rest of the trip was spent in silence. When the stopped at Castle apartment he nodded at Ryan and Esposito and got out without even looking at her.

"Okay Beckett, we take you home," Ryan said to fill the silence.

"No!" she was surprised to hear herself speak, but was already out of the car and followed Castle.

He had just closed the door and thrown his coat onto one of the armchairs, when it knocked. His right hand carefully touched his nose to see if Suoza's blow had done permanent damaged and he was satisfied that it obviously hadn't. He walked back to the door, frowning, Martha was out with a friend and he didn't expect her back until the next day and Alexis was staying at a friend's house.

He opened the door to find her standing behind it.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"For what?" he hissed.

Talk?" she almost whispered.

He studied her, before he finally opened the door to allow her to step in. She walked into the living room area, while he stepped into the kitchen to wet a towel and clean his face. When he was done he looked at her "So? Talk!"

She fumbled with the belt of her coat, nervously avoiding his eyes, "I'm sorry!"

"I get that a lot from you lately," he replied. "And I start to wonder why."

She finally looked at him, "Because with you it's different."

That took him off guard, "How so?"

"You're the first, since my mother died that got in here," she tapped her finger on her chest, right over her heart, "And it scares me and it makes you dangerous."

"Dangerous?" he didn't understand.

"Dangerous, because it means that you could hurt me." She said.

"I would never hurt you, Kate!"

"Not on purpose I know!"

Neither of them spoke for what seemed to be an eternity.

"So where does that leave us?" He asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

She sighed, "I guess I have to make a decision. If your worth to risk it."

He held his breath; he could hear the clock tick on the wall. _Tick Tock_ _Tick Tock_. She stepped closer until she was only an arm length away. "You are Rick!" she whispered and finally looked at him. She saw his eyes widen and when she had his full attention, she said the words she had wanted to tell him ever since she had woken up in the hospital, "I love you!"


	16. Chapter 16

So here's the last one. Thanks for all the great reviews! I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for your support!

B-C-B-C

His mind was processing what she had just said. Had she said something? Or had he just imagined it? He stared at her and the look in her eyes told him, he hadn't imagined a thing. She had actually said what he had wanted to hear from her so badly and now he couldn't move or say something.

When he didn't react she felt like the air was sucked out of her lungs, she couldn't breathe. Her head dropped and her eyes landed on the floor. It took all she had not to let the tears fall. She had wanted to tell him that she was in love with him for the longest time, because she was. She loved him. She was crazy and head over heels in love with Richard Castle. And the moment when he had told her that he felt the same for her on this awful day, she had thought she would never get the chance to tell him. And now that she had said it, it might be too late. Had she really blown their chance?

She wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat, so she just turned to leave and was about to pass him, when he finally kicked into motion and grabbed her wrist. Spinning her around and pulling her close, she found herself pressed against his chest. She could hear her heart race as if it was about to explode, or was it his? And before she could wonder anymore, she felt his lips on hers, his left hand was on the small of her back, holding her close, while his left found its way to her neck and pulled her incredibly closer. Her arms flew around his neck and she held on to him as if her life depended on it. Was this really happening? He heard her moan and pulled her even closer, taking and giving everything he got and could. His tongue begged for entrance and she more than willingly granted it. When they finally came up for air, his hands moved up to her face and held her forehead against his, both were breathing heavily, dizzy from the rush of passion that had overcome them.

"Kate Beckett, I love you!" he finally whispered, "God, I love you!"

She sighed, a sigh that came from deep down inside as if she had held it in for years and than she looked up at him and smiled the brightest smile he had ever seen on her. He couldn't help it; he had to kiss her again. He lips came crushing down on hers and his hands found their way under the rim of her shirt, sending shivers down her spine, when she felt his finger tips caress her skin. Their tongues started their dance again, while her hands went through his hair, grapping his head to pull him closer. He just couldn't be close enough. She remembered the kiss that they had shared all this months ago in that dark alley, that had almost knocked her out, but this was a hundred times stronger, a hundred times more breath-taking and most importantly a hundred times more real.

"Rick," she groaned as his hands moved further up her back and even though he thought it was hardly possible it turned him on even more.

"God, Kate, you have no idea what you're doing to me!" he mumbled between kisses that he was placing on her face and neck.

"I think I get the picture," she smirked and pressed harder against his growing excitement.

"Ahhh," was all he could get out before he took some steadying breaths. He looked at her mischievous sparkling eyes, "You're naughty!" He smirked back and let his hands wander down, cupping her six and pulling her against him, showing her just how excited he was. This time it was her time to groan as a wave of heat rushed through her body, her hands came to rest on his chest to steady herself and suddenly she found herself fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Her hands found her way under the fabric and she could feel him shiver under her touch and smiled. She started to place a trail of kisses down his neck and on his upper chest and he would have totally given in if there wasn't this little thing that was nagging in the back of his mind.

"Kate?" he cupped her face and immediately was mesmerized by the love and passion she saw in them. How long had he wished, dreamed that she would look at him like this, but this was too important to screw it up. This one mattered. This time he had to do it right. "You're sure we can do this?"

She looked at him confused. For a second she thought he was rejecting her, but one look into his eyes made her understand; he was worried that he would hurt her. It made her heart miss a beat. It overwhelmed her how much he cared for her well being. And she realized he had always been this way with her. Right from the start, from the first time they met. He had tried not to let it show, to make it seem casual, but now, in this moment she could see it. All the time she thought he was picking on her or acting jealous when it came to her relationships, he had cared for her. He had been worried for her well-being. Every time he brought her coffee, he did it because he cared. When he had asked her to walk away from her mother's case, he had done it because he cared. Every little gesture, every time he made her laugh or swallowed a cocky reply though it almost killed him, he did it because he cared. He had been at her side for the past three years, because he cared for her.

Her hands touched his face and she placed the gentlest kiss on his lips, "Thank you!"

He looked confused, "For what?"

"For being you! For not giving up on my armor!" her fingers caressed his cheek.

"I give that back to you," he said gently. "Thanks for putting up with me and my annoying self for the past three years."

"I did not have much of a choice," she grinned.

"We both know you did," he looked at her, suddenly serious.

She nodded, "I did."

"So? Why didn't you kick me out?"

She took a deep breath and since she was on a roll this night when it came to confessions, she decided to add one more, "I need you! I'm better when you're around." She looked at him to make him understand that she meant more than in just the obvious way. And then she added with a sheepish smile, "I need you now!"

He looked at her and his hand touched her blouse where he knew she still had the bandage on her wound.

"I'm fine," she said and placed her hand over his. "I promise!" He looked at her again for confirmation and she nodded. "One thing though," she said and a smirk played around her lips. I might have to be on to top!"

He groaned, "Beckett! You're killing me!"

"I'm just getting started," she whispered seductively, before her lips came crushing down on his again.

Her hands found its way under his shirt and eventually she continued unbuttoning it, while he got started on her blouse. She gasped when he finally ripped it open to have faster excess and tossed it aside; she did the same with his shirt and continued her trail of kisses on his chest. The next thing she realized was her bra that sailed to the ground and all of a sudden they were skin to skin. Her breasts pressed against his chest. He could feel her hard nipples against his flesh and he knew he had to taste her, effortless he picked her up and laid her down on the couch, careful not to hurt her, he positioned himself over her and took her right nipple into his mouth. His tongue swirled around it and he could feel her arch up towards him, while she moaned his name. He moved to her other nipple, thoroughly giving it the same treatment than the other, before he moved further down, licking and kissing his way until he reached her jeans and decided she didn't need it anymore. He opened the buttons and for a moment hesitated; he looked up, searching her eyes for confirmation. Her pleadingly sighed; "Castle!" was all he needed. The jeans joined the pool of clothes on the floor, followed by her panties and his remaining clothes. And then there was nothing left to spare. He moved up again and kissed her, pouring all his love for her into this one kiss, knowing from this moment on there was no way back and nothing would be the same ever again. And he couldn't wait. He couldn't wait to start this with her.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear.

"Show me," she whispered back and he started his journey downwards again. His fingers danced over her soft skin, followed by his mouth that left a path of fire wherever he touched her. His hand moved further down, reaching her most sensitive spot and he could hear her taking a sharp intake of breath, when he touched her there. He left his hand where it was, softly stroking her, while started kissing his way up again. Placing the softest kiss on her bandage he stopped and looked at her. She was confused by the sudden seriousness and raised her eyebrows in question. He moved all the way up to her face and captured her lips in a heart wrenching kiss. Her hands captured his face and pulled him even closer. Given him back, everything he gave her. When she looked into his eyes again, she knew it. They would make it, whatever obstacles life would through in their way, they could make it. She smiled and this time it was his turn to raise his brows.

"What?" he asked.

She shrugged, "I think it's time to flip you over!" Before he could reply, he found himself on his back and her on top of him. He had no idea how she did it and he didn't care, "Sexy," he smirked.

She straddled his lab looking down on him and grinned back. A second later, she crushed his lips with a passionate kiss, while her right hand reached behind her to take him in her hand.

"Ahh be careful with that," he grimaced.

"Calm down, I won't bite you," she rolled her eyes and kept up her work.

"Kate, as much as I'm enjoying this, but if you keep it up like this I don't think I'll last," he groaned.

She didn't need another invitation. She had wanted to feel him inside of her for the longest time and with one swift movement she positioned herself over him and painfully slowly moved down. Neither of them moved, just enjoying the most intimate way for two people to be connected. He lifted himself up and she met him half way for a passionate kiss, before they both started their dance together, moving in their very own rhythm. A slow dance of passion, love and tenderness. They both knew that there were wilder nights of love making to come, but right now they enjoyed their slow waltz that carried them over the edge together. She collapsed on top of him, both panting and sweating. She laid her ear on his chest, listening to his racing heart and finally placed a kiss right over it.

"That was amazing," he finally got out.

"I told you, you had no idea how good it would be," she smiled and kissed him on the lips.

"When did you tell me that?" he frowned.

"Our first case in that alley, after you had almost blown up my investigation," she said and hid her grin by turning her head away from him.

"I did no such thing! I caught the guy!" Castle immediately protested but then stopped, "Wait a minute! You remember that?"

"I do," she nodded. "It was memorable. You were memorable," she smiled and traced his lips with her index finger.

His eye brows shot up in surprise, "And all this years I thought I was a pain in the ass!"

"Oh you were!" she laughed and gave him a playful slap on the cheek and then kissed him to silence any further protest.

They lay together, she on top of him, listening to his heart beat, him drawing small circles on her back, just enjoying their nearness.

After a while she popped her head up on her arms and looked at him, he played with her hair and studied her face, "Are you happy?" he asked.

"Yes!" she beamed at him, "I am happy!"

"Good," he laughed and then shifted under her to sit up.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"This!" he swept her up in his arm and started towards the stairs.

"I swear, if you let me fall!" she raised a warning finger.

"No way!" he said it with such sincerity that, if she hadn't been securely placed in his arms, she probably would have stumbled.

He carefully placed her down on his bed, before he crawled in next to her and pulled her close, her back against his chest. "Good night, Kate," he whispered into her ear.

"Good night, Rick," she smiled and tugged his arm even a bit closer around herself.

When she woke up the next morning, she was surprised to found him gone. She turned around and found a note on his pillow.

_Meet me downstairs_

_Love_

_Rick_

She got up and found her clothes on one of the chairs. She took her panties, but then instead of putting her clothes on, she opted for one of his shirts and socks that were both way too big for her. She found him in the kitchen preparing pancakes.

"Good morning," she smiled when she stepped onto the other side of the counter.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," he beamed up at her and leant over the counter to give her a kiss. Before either one of them could stop it, it turned much more passionate than it had been intended and so neither of them heard the front door open.

"I'd say it's about bloody time!" Martha exclaimed and saw two heads turn in her direction, both blushing.

"What is about time?" Alexis asked, following her grandmother into the apartment.

"Your father and Detective Beckett," Martha smirked.

Alexis looked from her grandmother to her father and Beckett, the last two having a caught in the act expression on their faces and frowned.

"You two …?" she asked.

Castle stepped around the kitchen counter and pulled Beckett close, "Yes, we two!" he stated and grinned from ear to ear.

"Oh dad!" Alexis exclaimed and hurried towards them, first hugging her father and then Kate. "I'm so happy for you!"

"I couldn't agree more," Martha laughed and kissed her son and the pulled Kate close.

"So what's for breakfast?" Alexis asked.

Five minutes later they were all sitting together around the breakfast table as if it has never been any other way. While Martha complained about her date and Alexis talked about the movie she had seen last night, Castle reached for Beckett's hand under the table and smiled at her. She beamed back at him. She had never thought that this could feel so right. She was happy, for the first time since her mother died she was completely happy. She knew she would get the chance to find her mother's killer and she knew he would be there. Right beside her, having her back. _Always._

_THE END  
><em>


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